We're settling in ... finally ... after our long stay on Queen Anne. It was a great time, but we're glad to back home. Only thing: we're missing my Mama, as she flew back to SC last night.
Until we get settled in, here's a great poem that I've loved since college days:
THE WIDOW
by W.S. Merwin
How easily the ripe grain
Leaves the husk
At the simple turning of the planet
There is no reason
That requires us
Masters of forgetting
Threading the eyeless rocks with
A narrow light
In which ciphers wake and evil
Gets itself the face of the norm
And contrives cities
The Widow rises under our fingernails
You multiply you cannot be found
You grieve
Not that heaven does not exist but
That it exists without you
You confide
In images in things that can be
Represented which is their dimension you
Require them you say This
Is real and you do not fall down and moan
Not seeing the irony in the air
Everything that does not need you is real
The Widow does not
Hear you and your cry is numberless
This is the waking landscape
Dream after dream after dream walking away through it
Invisible Invisible Invisible
xoxo
Anna
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Wow ... Christmas...
It has been a stellar Christmas. Silas and Xan got WAYYYYYYYY more than any 13 children should have gotten. I, honestly, don't have a clue where we're gonna fit all these toys in our small(ish) apartment. But, we're gonna have to get damned crafty in doing so. We had a wonderful dinner here last night. Then, today, went over to Robin and Noel's for MORE food. And food. And drink. And toys. And ...
Rob and I took a break to go help a friend of hers. He is dying of cancer and she is his touchstone. They met many moons ago and she is like his daughter. He has no other family up here. He does not want to leave his apartment to go to the hospital. So, he has been confined to his apartment. He hasn't been able to walk or leave his bed in days. To say that it is a feat to take care of this dear man is almost unbearable. And ... she has been doing it. Hospice comes here and there. But, he isn't keen on the whole idea. She has been doing all the doctor visits, calls, and help.
I realized today, after helping out with him, that I am such a blessed, blessed gal. To have so many wonderful friends and family in my world that would be there if I were in his situation is overwhelming. I cannot imagine having only one individual in my world that I trusted and had there for me when the shit hits the fan.
So, thank you friends. Thank you, family. Thank you.
I cannot tell you all how much I love and appreciate you.
xoxo
Anna
Rob and I took a break to go help a friend of hers. He is dying of cancer and she is his touchstone. They met many moons ago and she is like his daughter. He has no other family up here. He does not want to leave his apartment to go to the hospital. So, he has been confined to his apartment. He hasn't been able to walk or leave his bed in days. To say that it is a feat to take care of this dear man is almost unbearable. And ... she has been doing it. Hospice comes here and there. But, he isn't keen on the whole idea. She has been doing all the doctor visits, calls, and help.
I realized today, after helping out with him, that I am such a blessed, blessed gal. To have so many wonderful friends and family in my world that would be there if I were in his situation is overwhelming. I cannot imagine having only one individual in my world that I trusted and had there for me when the shit hits the fan.
So, thank you friends. Thank you, family. Thank you.
I cannot tell you all how much I love and appreciate you.
xoxo
Anna
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Mama's arrived ... to a grand reception ...
She's HAS arrived. Mama made it to us on Sunday evening. We've had nothing but a splendid time since then. The Hoodies met up for "Happy Hour with Mama" last night. All I can say is that "happy hour" leads to an un-happy following day. Too much booze and tater tots. We laughed our boobs off (those of us that still have them). It was great for Mama to meet girlfriends that have "been there."
She, in turn, told me that she had never seen a group of women with such beauty and closeness. "Not a snob in the group," said she. And she's right. I'm a very blessed lady to have my soul-mates with me every step of my life.
So, we're having a ball and getting all of our groceries tonight for our huge Southern Dinner. We'll spend most of Christmas Eve cooking. Then, we'll sit back and relax with family and friends.
What a wonderful holidy it will be!
xoxo
Anna
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Changing of the Guards ...
Man I'm a wreck.
Tomorrow will be Silas' last day at daycare. Due to financial issues and the fact that he needs to move on, Mr. Mosey is closing up shop at Janie's and will be home-preschooled until I can find a great (and affordable) pre-school.
Silas has been with Janie since he was 4 months old. She is his second-Mama. I've been worried about it for some weeks. But, today, it really hit home and broke my heart. I had a LONGGGG day at work ... went in very early and was the last person out of the salon. Change is so, so hard. My main worry is for him. I don't want him to miss being with Janie and the other kids. But, as he is now the oldest, it's probably best for him to move on. He's advanced in his letters, numbers, and sight reading. He needs to be in a place where he has more challenges and opportunities. I'm so proud of what a great kid this guy is and how amazing he is with other kids and adults.
But, man oh man, it's so hard to let go of the place that has been his "home away from home" since he was a babe.
Sheesh ... this parenting thing is hard.
Wish us luck.
xoxo
Anna
Sunday, December 13, 2009
To you ...
You know who you are ...
Sending a little smooch and tickle tonight.
Don't forget that we still need to go "Ride the Ferris Wheel" and figure out which pom pom was mine.
Oh ... and if you need a ride home, the LTD is out front and ready to rumble.
xoxo
Anna
Sending a little smooch and tickle tonight.
Don't forget that we still need to go "Ride the Ferris Wheel" and figure out which pom pom was mine.
Oh ... and if you need a ride home, the LTD is out front and ready to rumble.
xoxo
Anna
Friday, December 11, 2009
Rock that hair girl!
This is my buddy Carol. Carol is a bad ass. We first met in October of 2006 at Gilda's Club. We were both diagnosed with The Beast during that time ... she with ovarian, I with breast. From that moment forward, we've been as thick as thieves. Actually, my husband and her partner even ended up in the same support group at Gilda's. So, we're all pretty tight.
In any case, Carol had a recent "flair up" (if you will) of that nasty bastard known as ovarian cancer. So, off to chemo land she's gone. But before losing her hair, she wanted to do something really fun. Thus, the creation above. We buzzed it and left the top longer and shaggy. Jonathon, did some really awesome designs in the hair as well. She later colored her, then, white hair this fiery red ... matches her personality to a T.
Please keep my dear friend in your thoughts and prayers as she gears up for yet another unfair battle. As before, she'll kick its ass and keep us all amazed at her strength and fabulous sense of humor.
I love you, love you Tiny Hiny!!!
xoxo
Anna
Friday, December 4, 2009
Ahhhhh .... E.E. Cummings...
Love the dichotomies in this poem. E.E. Cummings was a brilliant poet and has been one of my favorites since Mrs. Cummin's (sp?) AP English class in 11th grade:
as freedom is a breakfastfood
or truth can live with right and wrong
or molehills are from mountains made
--long enough and just so long
will being pay the rent of seem
and genius please the talentgang
and water most encourage flame
as hatracks into peachtrees grow
or hopes dance best on bald men's hair
and every finger is a toe
and any courage is a fear
--long enough and just so long
will the impure think all things pure
and hornets wail by children stung
or as the seeing are the blind
and robins never welcome spring
nor flatfolk prove their world is round
nor dingsters die at break of dong
and common's rare and millstones float
--long enough and just so long
tomorrow will not be too late
worms are the words but joy's the voice
down shall go which and up come who
breasts will be breasts thighs will be thighs
deeds cannot dream what dreams can do
--time is a tree (this life one leaf)
but love is the sky and i am for you
just so long and long enough
Beautiful, this poem.
Cummings was a quirky lad, to say the least. But, I still find him to be one of the better poets of the 20th century because he, like several other of my favorite poets of that era, didn't confine himself to the morals and ideals of his time. This poem doesn't necessarily reflect that as much as many of his other poems. Nevertheless, he was a bold man and a brilliant writer. And, I am fortunate to have studied his works.
xoxo
Anna
as freedom is a breakfastfood
or truth can live with right and wrong
or molehills are from mountains made
--long enough and just so long
will being pay the rent of seem
and genius please the talentgang
and water most encourage flame
as hatracks into peachtrees grow
or hopes dance best on bald men's hair
and every finger is a toe
and any courage is a fear
--long enough and just so long
will the impure think all things pure
and hornets wail by children stung
or as the seeing are the blind
and robins never welcome spring
nor flatfolk prove their world is round
nor dingsters die at break of dong
and common's rare and millstones float
--long enough and just so long
tomorrow will not be too late
worms are the words but joy's the voice
down shall go which and up come who
breasts will be breasts thighs will be thighs
deeds cannot dream what dreams can do
--time is a tree (this life one leaf)
but love is the sky and i am for you
just so long and long enough
Beautiful, this poem.
Cummings was a quirky lad, to say the least. But, I still find him to be one of the better poets of the 20th century because he, like several other of my favorite poets of that era, didn't confine himself to the morals and ideals of his time. This poem doesn't necessarily reflect that as much as many of his other poems. Nevertheless, he was a bold man and a brilliant writer. And, I am fortunate to have studied his works.
xoxo
Anna
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Sing it Sister!!!!
From CNN:
"Editor's note: Susan Scanlan is president of the Women's Research & Education Institute and chairwoman of the National Council of Women's Organizations, which describes itself as a coalition of more than 240 progressive women's groups representing more than 12 million American women. She helped found the Congressional Caucus for Women's Issues and its policy arm, WREI, and was director of the caucus for five years.
Washington (CNN) -- 'I've been digesting the recommendations of the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force for two weeks now. And I'm still swallowing hard.
How else to react to the cockamamie recommendations to discontinue routine breast self-exams, along with mammograms, for 40-something women?
Let's take one giant leap backward for women's health! These task forcers have devalued the only tool available to women for fighting what is practically a health scourge in our country.
I know from scourges. The granddaughter and daughter of breast cancer victims, my time in the barrel came in 2005. Four years and a double mastectomy later, I'm still kicking.
Also stricken: my best friend, my college roommate, two cousins and my sister, whose "unnecessary" mammogram found a stage 3.5 tumor when she was at the invincible age of 42.
And, no, not one of our sad sorority has the BRAC genes that signal a predilection for breast cancer. (The panel says the new recommendations don't apply to them.)
For more than 30 years, I've devoted my life to advancing the rights, responsibilities and well-being of women. In 1977, as a young staffer at the newly formed Congresswomen's Caucus, I supported then-Rep. Barbara Mikulski's fight to expand funding for women's research at the National Institutes of Health and for inclusion of women in clinical trials.
Read about a congressional hearing on the issue
We pushed hard to mandate coverage of mammograms by U.S. insurance companies. We campaigned to empower women to take health care into their own hands. We brought physicians to Capitol Hill to teach staff and members themselves about self-exams.
And we celebrated -- nay, rejoiced -- when early breast cancer detection slowly but surely led to significantly fewer breast cancer deaths.
So now, a few doctors and public health gurus have consulted the statistical tea leaves. They aim to cut down on the number of women who receive unnecessary treatments, they say, and to assuage the "anxiety" of the 10 to 15 percent of mammogrammed patients who receive a false positive result.
Please! Spare me such paternalistic pronouncements. Show me a 40-year-old woman who hasn't learned how to roll with life's punches. Show me a mid-lifer who'd trade short-term worry for longer-term death.
Try to sell that bill of goods to my sister or to the millions of women whose lives have been prolonged long enough to send a daughter off to college or see a son start a family -- or to fight another day for women's rights!
Despite the word from Washington health administrators that cost wasn't a factor in the recommendations, I suspect that money was indeed a consideration in their evaluation of screening practices.
Continually stunned by the arrogance of actuaries, I can do my own math. The later a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer, the more expensive her treatment, the fewer her options, the lower her survival rate. Cancers found in women in their 40s also tend to be more aggressive, making early detection even more urgent.
So put me and my clan down as doubtful. We're going to fight these wrong-headed recommendations for ourselves, our daughters and the 40,460 American women, according to the American Cancer Society, who are expected to lose their breast cancer battle this year.
We have no intention of grasping defeat from the jaws of victory in what is becoming a winning war.'
The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Susan Scanlan"
Don't recall if I've heard of this woman before, but it's quite refreshing to get input from an ACTUAL survivor that happens to specialize in womens' issues. It's refreshing, considering the make-up of this latest "task force."
It's amazing, the amount of survivors that are speaking out against the latest suggestions by the "Ass-Force", as I so fondly call them.
I've a girlfriend who is closely ensconced in the breast cancer cause "world." Works for Komen and heads up the YSC here in Seattle. She was, actually, asked to speak on a panel at Gilda's Club and this subject came up: "What do you, as a survivor, think of the new recommendations." Her response: "Do you have an hour?" Truly. None of us ladies seems too pleased. And, I'm glad that survivors are now being asked their opinions of the matter by groups that have only their BEST interests in mind, as opposed to folks that are so closely tied to the insurance companies.
The people that are affected by breast cancer: we, our families, and friends, clearly understand the importance of early detection and regular screening. It's not lost on any of us that we are considered numbers. Hell, look at the "stats," as that's what all of us are considered, by the way.
But, we're not stats. And, we're not disposable. And, we're not just another individual checked off the list of an insurance company's burdens.
Our deaths are no longer a business deal gone GOOD for these bastards!
Fortunately, people are becoming aware of this cycle.
It's about time.
xoxo
Anna
"Editor's note: Susan Scanlan is president of the Women's Research & Education Institute and chairwoman of the National Council of Women's Organizations, which describes itself as a coalition of more than 240 progressive women's groups representing more than 12 million American women. She helped found the Congressional Caucus for Women's Issues and its policy arm, WREI, and was director of the caucus for five years.
Washington (CNN) -- 'I've been digesting the recommendations of the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force for two weeks now. And I'm still swallowing hard.
How else to react to the cockamamie recommendations to discontinue routine breast self-exams, along with mammograms, for 40-something women?
Let's take one giant leap backward for women's health! These task forcers have devalued the only tool available to women for fighting what is practically a health scourge in our country.
I know from scourges. The granddaughter and daughter of breast cancer victims, my time in the barrel came in 2005. Four years and a double mastectomy later, I'm still kicking.
Also stricken: my best friend, my college roommate, two cousins and my sister, whose "unnecessary" mammogram found a stage 3.5 tumor when she was at the invincible age of 42.
And, no, not one of our sad sorority has the BRAC genes that signal a predilection for breast cancer. (The panel says the new recommendations don't apply to them.)
For more than 30 years, I've devoted my life to advancing the rights, responsibilities and well-being of women. In 1977, as a young staffer at the newly formed Congresswomen's Caucus, I supported then-Rep. Barbara Mikulski's fight to expand funding for women's research at the National Institutes of Health and for inclusion of women in clinical trials.
Read about a congressional hearing on the issue
We pushed hard to mandate coverage of mammograms by U.S. insurance companies. We campaigned to empower women to take health care into their own hands. We brought physicians to Capitol Hill to teach staff and members themselves about self-exams.
And we celebrated -- nay, rejoiced -- when early breast cancer detection slowly but surely led to significantly fewer breast cancer deaths.
So now, a few doctors and public health gurus have consulted the statistical tea leaves. They aim to cut down on the number of women who receive unnecessary treatments, they say, and to assuage the "anxiety" of the 10 to 15 percent of mammogrammed patients who receive a false positive result.
Please! Spare me such paternalistic pronouncements. Show me a 40-year-old woman who hasn't learned how to roll with life's punches. Show me a mid-lifer who'd trade short-term worry for longer-term death.
Try to sell that bill of goods to my sister or to the millions of women whose lives have been prolonged long enough to send a daughter off to college or see a son start a family -- or to fight another day for women's rights!
Despite the word from Washington health administrators that cost wasn't a factor in the recommendations, I suspect that money was indeed a consideration in their evaluation of screening practices.
Continually stunned by the arrogance of actuaries, I can do my own math. The later a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer, the more expensive her treatment, the fewer her options, the lower her survival rate. Cancers found in women in their 40s also tend to be more aggressive, making early detection even more urgent.
So put me and my clan down as doubtful. We're going to fight these wrong-headed recommendations for ourselves, our daughters and the 40,460 American women, according to the American Cancer Society, who are expected to lose their breast cancer battle this year.
We have no intention of grasping defeat from the jaws of victory in what is becoming a winning war.'
The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Susan Scanlan"
Don't recall if I've heard of this woman before, but it's quite refreshing to get input from an ACTUAL survivor that happens to specialize in womens' issues. It's refreshing, considering the make-up of this latest "task force."
It's amazing, the amount of survivors that are speaking out against the latest suggestions by the "Ass-Force", as I so fondly call them.
I've a girlfriend who is closely ensconced in the breast cancer cause "world." Works for Komen and heads up the YSC here in Seattle. She was, actually, asked to speak on a panel at Gilda's Club and this subject came up: "What do you, as a survivor, think of the new recommendations." Her response: "Do you have an hour?" Truly. None of us ladies seems too pleased. And, I'm glad that survivors are now being asked their opinions of the matter by groups that have only their BEST interests in mind, as opposed to folks that are so closely tied to the insurance companies.
The people that are affected by breast cancer: we, our families, and friends, clearly understand the importance of early detection and regular screening. It's not lost on any of us that we are considered numbers. Hell, look at the "stats," as that's what all of us are considered, by the way.
But, we're not stats. And, we're not disposable. And, we're not just another individual checked off the list of an insurance company's burdens.
Our deaths are no longer a business deal gone GOOD for these bastards!
Fortunately, people are becoming aware of this cycle.
It's about time.
xoxo
Anna
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