Sunday, August 28, 2011

Grandaddy's are always heros ...




....  Even if they get their hand bitten OFF by bees....
    Silas' Grandaddy was on one of his long, long bike rides the other day.   The man is a warrior.
  Gailon is peach.
  I've loved my father "ex-law" since I first met him.  He and I have ALWAYS  had such an amazing rapport.  He's, always,  been so loving with my son and myself.  Quiet wit and sweet heart..... and snarky, with a twist of lime.  I LOVE IT!!!!
   Apparently, Grandaddy had an allergic reaction to a bee sting whilst on one of his many (30 mile) bike rides the other day.  Hand huge, ER, etc.
  He's the type of person that wouldn't complain if someone cut his Achilles heel.  He'd put his head down and make it ALL okay.  He's done it for us ... just saying ...
  Grandaddy is the type of person that will sit there for HOURS while you sit there chatting EVERYONE up.  He is one of the MOST patient people I've EVER met.
   But, sometimes, when things get quiet ... Grandaddy and I have had some pretty amazing and sweet conversations.  He's not an expectant person.  He's just been there to play, play, AND PLAY  with my son.   And, for that, I cannot thank him enough.   He has taught me patience ... that's loverly ...
   I've reached a point in my life where I don't chat "everyone" up, oddly enough.  I'm, simply, fine having a quiet conversation with a sweet, sweet puppy-dog and folks that make sense to me.  Whatever "sense" is, at this point in my life.   I never thought that I'd become "quiet".  I'm sure everyone is thanking their lucky stars.   Don't blame them a bit ...
   It's not that I'm quiet.  Unfortunately, it's not in my bones.
    I think that it has more to do with my mind and spirit right now.
   Gonna start a new play soon ... re-writing some scripts.
   Think it's the best therapy at this point....
   Until then, Grandaddy and his lawn mower are in our thoughts and prayers.   Silas and I are already planning our next trip.
   Next time, I'm on the tractor!!!!!!!!!!!!
xoxo,
Anna




Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Long blog ... but, Steve Jobs' words are completely eloquent ...


You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

This is a prepared text of the Commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, on June 12, 2005.
I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much.

Missin' my family tonight ...

... Boy, this house is quiet tonight....
   Don is out of town on business.  Silas is with his dad.  I am left with my crazy critters.  They, actually, bring me so much peace.  Don't have too much time to be pensive when you have animals that are smarter than you...
  But, after being with my amazing family last month, it's quiet times like these that remind me how far away I am from so many amazing people.  People that set my heart at rest and have my back ... and, vice versa.
  I miss them dearly.  Cannot THANK THEM (JOSH) ENOUGH.   And, wish they were in my day-to-day world.
  But, alas, we are who we are.  We all have our own worlds and lives, and we are all living them.
  That's the gift, blessing, and lesson:  living your life in the best manner possible.
xoxo
Anna
 

Sunday, August 21, 2011

My world is always perfect when ....

... My Hoodies are there...
After dealing with a rough month, I was so thrilled to spend time with my crazy gals (and their families) from the YSC.
Great food, great drink, great HUGE bouncy castle, and plenty of stories ...
Today has made my week.
We are such a loverly group of crazy people!  I'm prone to (as are others that will remain nameless) fart in front of not only my girls, but their husbands as well.
We've all become family.
It's been a blessing for me this past month.
No question.
xoxo
Anna

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Last Day in Wonderland ...






I've missed my Mosey more than I've EVER missed him in my life.  I'm so, so thrilled to see him, hug him, kiss him tomorrow.  I get to visit and smooch on Grammie and Grandaddy.  Then, Si and I are off to Colie's for our annual YSC bbq.  I'm so thrilled to see my girls.  Haven't seen all of them together since I got back to Seattle.  It'll be a fabulous remedy for these blues!
xoxo
Anna

Silas' Week in Wonderland ...







... or Yakima!
   Silas has been with his Grammie and Grandaddy Gentry this past week to spend some much needed fun-time and to get his love on!  Our plans were for them to have him at the end of July.  But, alas ...
   He has been going NON-STOP with those two.  When I'm a grandparent, I'll be lucky to play checkers with my grandchildren.  Not sure how these two do it.  But, they do it well!

  He comes home tomorrow.  I've missed him so, so much.  With him, apparently, he will bringing an entire closet-full of new school clothes and every school supply on every elementary school list this side of the Mississippi.
  Thank you Grammie and Grandaddy for all the fun, laughs, and fabulous new kindergarten clothes and supplies.  Drive safely tomorrow ... WE LOVE YA'LL TO THE MOON!!!

xoxo
Anna & Silas

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I Love You, Madly ...

Seems like today was a day of tattooing for all of my friends.  Without knowing, we were all heading out to get permanently painted with beautiful reminders of our lives and those we love.
This one is mine.
I chose to do it in my own handwriting and of what my father and I always signed off on at the end of cards, letters, e-mail, etc. to one another.
I wanted to write it to him once again ... and keep it with me forever.
xoxo
Anna

Go, Colie, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....

I'll update as new pics become available.  But, this girl went and used my favorite motto "Go Big or Go Home!"
Entire forearm covered in gorgeous Cherry Blossoms and script to honor her survivorship and those that are still here and those that we've lost due to a wretched disease.  DAMN GIRL!!!!
You are an amazing friend and woman.  That's why I lover you!
Colie ain't messin' around!!!!
xoxo
Cooch

Sunday, August 14, 2011

More pics from a wonderful night...




What a night!!!!


Whelp ... tonight proved to be a fabulous evening.  I, certainly, needed it.  My sweet pal/coworker Monica had her "house warming."  And, warmed it we did.  So, so much fun.  So many great folks.  Great food, drink, & conversation with amazing folks.
The neighbors even came over ... that's pretty telling ...
Congrats on the "new" house Ms. Monica.
We love you.
xoxo
Anna

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Gotta give props to the "bold ones"

Whilst on my visit to the local Shell station for a bottle of wine and some Easy Cheese, I was honored to meet a "gentleman" that commented on my "bitchin' rack."  Whelp, not one to be rude, I thanked him for said compliment with "Hey, thanks M'Dear ... looks like you're only packing a half-rack (pointing at his beer).  I've got a good plastic surgeon if you're wanting to upgrade."
Holy Havardi ... if these dudes are getting laid, I STILL say I'm saving myself a trip to the Free Clinic.
xoxo
Anna

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

And then there was "Me Hoodies ..."

Yet again ...
   I have one of the bestest group of crazy friends a human could admit to knowing.  Actually, many of my lovely pals and family are that.  I'm gonna own up to it, as I know many wouldn't claim these people.  They couldn't, as most don't experience this type of love and friendship.  The most amazing people that I have come to know are the ones that don't mind making COMPLETE asses of themselves, as they laugh and trudge through the heap of shit that life throws at them.  The difference is that they make that gargantuan heap of feces look like a mound of roses.
  Takes a a special person(s) to do so.
  I, fortunately, have that in my world.
  Don't quite know why I ended up so lucky.
  All I know is that they are all crazier than a "shit-house rat" ... but, are more lovely and amazing than that mound of roses that they created.  The smell ... well, I cannot answer for them on that one.
  But, I'm so infinitely grateful for my precious peeps and my surprise visit from my Sarah T tonight.
  It lifted my spirits so very, very much!
  Thank you girls.  Yet again, you have proven to be the most gorgeous rocks that I've ever "owned."
xoxo,
Cooch

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

... hard evening ...

This whole grieving thing is for the birds.  I was fine all day.  Making it over "the hump", so to speak.  I can NEVER imagine working anywhere else during this time.  My salon co-workers are my heart.  So, so fortunate to work with such an amazing "family."  And they are that:  family.
But, late at night ... when my babe is asleep and the house is quiet ... I cannot help but reflect. 
Cancer:  I knew what I was up against and I knew what I needed to do to fix it.
This is a totally different battle.  I cannot do anything to fix this.  I cannot do anything to bring my dad back.  The only thing I can do is to honor him.  Honor what he did for me in the 36 years that I knew and loved him. 
So, I'll share, again, "our song."  Dad and I decided that "Midnight Train to Georgia" was IT:  when I was in high school.  Gladys Knight and Pips, for some reason, spoke to us when we were boogying.  After looking at the lyrics tonight, it seems fairly prophetic ... especially considering that we danced to it in the early 90's:

L A proved too much for the man

[He couldn't make it]
So he's leavin' the life he's come to know
[He said he's goin']
He said he's goin' back to find
Ooh, what's left of his world
The world he left behind
Not so long ago
He's leavin'
On that midnight train to Georgia
Said he's goin' back
To a simpler place in time
And I'll be with him
On that midnight train to Georgia
I'd rather live in his world
Than live without him in mine
He kept dreamin'
That someday he'd be a star
But he sure found out the hard way
That dreams don't always come true
So he pawned all his hopes
And he even sold his old car
Bought a one way ticket back
To the life he once knew
Oh yes he did
He said he would
He's leavin'
On that midnight train to Georgia
Said he's goin' back to find
A simpler place in time
And I'm gonna be with him
On that midnight train to Georgia
I'd rather live in his world
Than be without him in mine
He's leavin'
On that midnight train to Georgia
Said he's goin' back to find
A simpler place in time
And I've gotta be with him
On that midnight train to Georgia
I'd rather live in his world
Than be without him in mine
Go, gonna board, gonna board
The midnight train to Georgia
Gonna board the midnight train
Gotta go, gonna board
Gonna board
Gonna board the midnight train

Dancing with him as a teenager to this song, I never imagined why or how we picked this song as "ours."  Makes TOTAL sense to me now.  I'm trying to look at it as a blessing and an amazing intuiton on his behalf...... especially considering that he looked my step-Mama in the eyes and said "I'm gone."  Hmmmmm ....
I can assure you, I ain't leaving without a fight.  I'm gonna die an OLD, crazy lady.
But, part of me has left this world.  It left with Pappy.
I find comfort in the "simpler place and time."  I have hopes that we ALL find this some day.  Sooner rather than later would be my wish for everyone.
Until then, we march on....
xoxo
Anna

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

And life marches on...

Happy Birthday to you.  Happy Birthday to you.  Happy Birthday Sweet Kurtis.  Happy Birthday to you.
My sweet little nephew was born this evening ... all 8 pounds and 7 ounces.  He's a beautiful little man.  His mama is safe and sound.  After a long labor, he was delivered by c-section.
He's blessed with amazing parents.
My hope for him is to remember that he will always be cherished, loved, and supported.
And I know he will be.
From Enigma:

Love (Love, Love)
Devotion (Devotion, Devotion)
Feeling (Feeling. Feeling)
Emotion (Emotion, Emotion)
Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
The return to innocence
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence


Never forget how much you are loved.  NEVER let others' judgements of you make you question yourself ... ESPECIALLY when you are doing the right thing.  Always trust your heart and soul.  Always try to do the right thing ... and if you don't, lean on the friends and family that stuck by you when you didn't.  Those will be the ones that will stick it out with you through thick and thin.  They'll  remind you of who you are and who you are meant to be.  AND, they will love you for being able to be there to do so.  Fall off that damned bike.  Get up.  Fall off again ... and again ... and again ... until you know the right time to put your feet down.  Don't believe anyone that says that "7 minutes in heaven" is heavenly.  It's not.
Learn to drive a stick shift before driving an automatic.  In my experience, it's helped out that I learned that at 11 years old ... I won't expound on that, as certain people (Angi) might be implicated.
Swim nekkid.  Go bare foot ... everywhere.  Kiss your Mama and Daddy for no reason.
You've got an amazing life ahead of you.  LIVE IT, MY DEAR FRIEND!!!!!
I love you, sweet one.
xoxo
Auntie Anna

p.s.  Can't say I'm a huge fan of Enigma.  But, this one speaks the truth at this moment...