And another gorgeous diddy:

Lover's Greed

What is it in nature which lends its hand
To the tongues of young wondering lovers in flight,
That by the silent mood of a dying word
A scythe was taught to moan and to write?

What is it that is left for the blushing cheek
To blink the lips of a blooming rose,
When lovers' eyes as black as summer crows
Picked the blackened rose that they seeked?

What has not been taken by a lover's greed?
What has not been taken by a lover's greed?

What then from all the vine and seed?
On the fragant air of spring they feed.
They come in swarms of two, like me and you,
Fattened by the love that they need.

What has not been taken by a lover's greed?
What has not been taken by a lover's greed?

On and on they come
Forever saying I would die without you.
In the chasm of these eyes, nothing satisfies.
Staring into the starry-eyed infinite.

Can't get enough of it
Can't get enough...
Can't get enough of it
Can't get enough...


Why is it then my pen should stall
When by your wondrous eyes I shake?
When we, this world is ours to take

What has not been taken by a lover's greed?

Here's a link to the actual song, as it is gorgeous: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uSLekJ5Bg0&feature=related

Forgive me that Gwyneth Paltrow shows up in some of the pics.
xoxo
Anna

Fabulous song from my pals Jump Little Children...

These guys never cease to amaze me. It's an older song of theirs, but I've always glommed onto it. Joan Osborne recently covered this song. Look it up. Both versions. They are both beautiful and the lyrics are phenomenal ... as per usual.

In the shadows of tall buildings
Of fallen angels on the ceilings
Oily feathers in bronze and concrete
Faded colors, pieces left incomplete
The line moves slowly past the electric fence
Across the borders between continents

In the cathedrals of New York and Rome
There is a feeling that you should just go home
And spend a lifetime finding out just where that is

In the shadows of tall buildings
The architecture is slowly peeling
Marble statues and glass dividers
Someone is watching all of the outsiders
The line moves slowly through the numbered gate
Past the mosaic of the head of state

In the cathedrals of New York and Rome
There is a feeling that you should just go home
And spend a lifetime finding out just where that is

In the shadows of tall buildings
Of open arches endlessly kneeling
Sonic landscapes echoing vistas
Someone is listening from a safe distance
The line moves slowly into a fading light
A final moment in the dead of the night

In the cathedrals of New York and Rome
There is a feeling that you should just go home
And spend a lifetime finding out just where that is

Dramatic Day ...

Holy Mother of mayonnaise...
Today was one for the record books. Had a lovely ... and fairly new ... client coming in for a haircut. She's seen me 2 or 3 times. She's an adorable 50-something ovarian cancer patient. She's metastatic and thriving ... as are several of my lady-loves. Cute as a button and wears her 50-something years like she's in her early fourties.
When she sat in my chair, I could tell that something was amiss. She was answering my questions about her hair in vague ways ... and then began answering my questions in tongues, almost. My thought was that she had mixed up her meds and that had thrown her off, a bit.
I went to the back room to get her some water. Told her that I thought that we should probably do her haircut on another day when she was feeling better. Said that we could sit and chat.
She became more confused. So, I offered to drive her home.
At this point, her eyes became glossed over, she turned her head, and started to moan. Next thing I know, her head is bent back and her entire body was as stiff as a plank.
I put my hand behind her neck and held her legs ... so she would not slide out of the chair ... chimed over to my boss that she was having a seizure. Another client came over and we held her. For several minutes ... the seizure seemed to last a lifetime. She wasn't breathing throughout the whole ordeal. I just kept telling her that I was there and that she needed to breath. As her lips turned blue, I was just on the verge of laying her on the floor, as the only thing I knew was that she was going to need CPR.
FINALLY she took a bit of a breath. And, at almost the same time, I heard the paramedics' sirens. My co-worker, Ashley had called them some minutes prior, thankfully.
Thank goodness that my client and I have this "cancer connection." I was able to let them know that she is an ovarian patient and has a porta-cath, is on chemo, is metastatic, and that she might need a brain scan to make sure all is well.
Thank goodness that I heard from this sweet gal tonight.
She is home. She is with friends. She is stable and amazing.
What a lovely, lovely woman she is.
Please send love and prayers to "K" tonight.
xoxo
Anna

Welcome home, Carole ...

Well, my beloved Carole (of Carole and Cathi fame)has had a rough month or so. She was having trouble breathing last month. At a check-up, they found that her tumor markers were way up as well. And so, another new journey began. What "they" found was that Carole's ovarian cancer had worked its nasty-ass self into the linging of her lung, causing what is referred to as pleural effusion.
She had to go in for surgery(s) to get the fluid off of her lung and try to get a better idea of what they were dealing with.
She found out that the thoracic surgeon had pulled 1.5 liters of fluid off of her lung. Can you imagine trying to BREATH with that nonsense going on?
In any event, she is home and recovering very well. Next step is to move on to another trial or systemic treatment that will help her fight the beast ... and win.
considering how many times she's kicked its ass in the past, I've no doubt that she will, again, come out of the battle victorious.
You are in my heart and prayers, doll.
xoxo
Anna

Some great B9 news...

Well, hot damn! Our E-Beth's needle biopsy on her lung came back benign!!! I cannot tell you how thrilled this makes us girls ... not to mention all the rest of her family and pals.
Because the mass is in a precarious locale, doctors have chosen to do surgery to make ABSOLUTELY sure that their biopsy results were crystal clear. WHICH I AM MORE THAN CERTAIN THEY WILL BE. Thus, our girl heads BACK into the hospital on Thursday to have what is referred to as a VATS procedure. It's minimally invasive (if one can refer to surgery on a lung with the term "minimal"). She will then begin more systemic treatment to insure that any iota of The Little Shit is eradicated. We've seen how well her mass on the brain responded to radiation (60% shrinkage). So, she will be doing Ontak, a treatment that she has responded very well to in the past.
So, that's the news. The fabulous news. And she will have us right beside her the whole trek.
Love you EB!
xoxo
Anna

A work in progress...

Here's a link to the latest info and adjustments to "The New Normal", a show that my dear friend Donetta is writing. She is tightening up the piece. I imagine that she will have it finished within the next few months. If not, I will hop a plane and make a beautiful coat out of her flesh.

http://coyotereptheatrecompany.blogspot.com/2010/05/new-normal.html

xoxo,
Anna

This is one of the most disgusting things EVER!!!!!

Crush Films. Apparently, there is a small (hopefully) group of sick fetishists that have this desire to see women in high heels squash baby puppies and kittens to their deaths. Films of this atrocity abound. Sounds like the government has just lifted the law banning this disgusting and horrific behavior. Welp, I'm here to say that anyone that loves animals needs to take the time to fight back.
Word on the street is: The US Supreme Court has made the decision to strike down the Depictions of Animal Cruelty Act. In response, HR 5092-Crush Act Amendment was written. Please urge your reps to support HR 5092!
Please, please, please invest some time in looking into the totality of the issue and contact who you feel might make a difference ... and quick like.
This has to be one of the most disgusting and maddening things I've been exposed to in years ... perhaps, my life.
Innocents being mutilated, simply because they are animals, is no less horrific than children being treated the same way.
Somebody ... many, actually ... needs to be strung up by their balls/boobs/toes/ears for this sort of SICK behavior. I HAVE NO SYMPATHY FOR YOU.
Dear Lord ... this is astounding.
xoxo
Anna

What is your passion?

I feel that we all get caught up in the world and our own worlds sometimes that we forget that we forget about ourselves ... our individuality and our passion OR passions.
Years ago, I was asked what my "ONE true passion" was ... in a job interview. I answered by saying that I would feel restricted by having only one passion, as I felt that I had several artistic passions that made me who I was. That was, apparently, not the answer that was expected or (maybe) desired. It was mentioned later. But, I got the job ... so ...
As if none of us are capable of, or passionate enough, or intelligent enough to embrace and thrive upon several different passions.
I wonder what those people who only have a sole "thing" to focus upon do with their extra time. Do they have extra time? Is it best to have one or many?
Who in the hell knows.
I just know that I don't have the attention span or interest in only experiencing and investing my whole self into one art. I'm happy to have been exposed to and been able to practice my art on my own terms.
Such a lovely, lovely thing.
xoxo
Anna

Clear for another year...

Damn ... that was a wait.
But, all appears to be B9. I hate that all survivors have to go through this crap for the rest of their lives. It's the pinnacle of stress and desperation. To have to spend precious minutes, hours, weeks, etc. on the wait is just a beast.
But, I'm good for the next 12 months.
Breath in, breath out ... pass the Grey Goose.
xoxo
Anna

Still waiting ...

Man. i've never had to wait this long to get results from a scan.
I've been on the phone with Dr. Fer's office twice today and they were swamped. So, I absolutely get it. He and his only nurse (today) had both been gone. All rooms filled and the waiting room full of people waiting to make it into the crammed rooms. I've not heard back about my results.
I ... banking on the "no news is good news "philosophy" ... am trying to just settle in for the night and imagine that if there was something amiss, that I would have found out about it much sooner. Seems the logical way of going about things to me.
But .... we still wait.
Hope everyone had a beautiful Mother's Day full of fun and love and reflection.
I had a fabulous weekend with my most hysterical son. Had a wonderful stay at an Inn in Edmonds ... dinner at Anthony's, hot tub fun, paper airplane races, swimming pool fun in the back yard, etc. Such an amazing Mother's Day.
My son will, forever, be a huge inspiration to me in regards to truth and beauty.
I'm so, so blessed.
xoxo
Anna

Now, I wait...

My scans went just fine today. Took longer than I expected. AND, of course, that damned MRI machine hacks out rhythms that I try to make songs and words along side of. It's so damned loud. The beeping and the banging and the wheezing.
When I went in, the tech was such a doll. Charles was his name. He was a chatty Cathy and we talked about "musicals" for some damned reason. I guess it was because he likes to hum and sing.
So, I laid in the machine with my headphones on ... to cover my ears from the screeching of the machine ... though it was still so loud.
Every beep that I heard, I prayed. I prayed for my friends that are not with me now, for friends that are battling cancer right now, and for myself to keep up hope and strength. Oh ... and I talked to my K-Dawg ... alot. Talked to my grandparents, alot.
You see ... tomorrow I could find out that I'm just perfect. Or, tomorrow, I could find out that I've gone metastatic. And, honestly, by the way the tech behaved after I got out of the machine, it wouldn't be surprised.
I know that they are the Poker Face Champs when it comes to "cancer news". But, it was a bit disconcerting seeing his behavior after he'd been like a dancer in "Chorus Line" prior to the scan. However, they are trained to play straight after people get scanned. So, I cannot bank too terribly much upon that.
Spoke with Dr. Fer tonight after 8:00. He's such a gem. He said, "Anna, what do think you need to worry about?" I said, "I don't know ... just having to do the scan makes me reflect and antsy." He said, "Whelp, I think you're gonna be okay."
And there it is. My savior. The man that has been with me since diagnosis that has studied every med and treatment that will save me ... the countless hours we've gone back and forth over meds that I think that I need to be on that might be a bit experimental. I can remember our debate of me going on Zometa. By the way ... he folded after I told him "you know you 'feel me up' every three weeks' ... you owe me this!"
He's a kind soul who blushes incessantly when I'm around. But, I trust his word.
So ... I'll wait. I trust in his confidence that this scan will come out clean.
Until then, I'll wait. But, I'll wait with a bit more peace, as I've been warmed by the words of a dear dear friend and mentor.
Thank you, my Turkish Teddy Bear!
xoxo
Anna

MRI ... finally...

These scans will be the death of me. The scanxiety that they cause. That waiting to hear the "news". Had two girlfriends that went through the same process this past week. We all rallied and raised the ladies up in love and prayers. One got great news, the other, not so great. Next up: Anna/Cooch. There is certainly not much margin in error when receiving results. Either you are clean (NED) or you're not. There are oftentimes false positives and such. But, they generally get rectified fairly quickly.
Sooooooo ... I go into today at 4:00 to get poked gowned, poked, prodded, injected, and then slid into a really like machine that resembles an enormous cervix. Honestly, I don't mind the process. Sort of makes me feel like a space cadet. I'm sure many of you belief that might be half true.
However, waiting for "THE news" makes me want to chew my own arm off.
I'll be spending the evening with my cancer-club ladies. Cannot think of a better group to share that time with.
I'm banking on this massy stuffs to just be scar tissue and we can move on ... please!
Thanks for all the love and prayers.
xoxo
Anna

You're taking credit?

I'm trying not to laugh about the latest news that the terrorist threat in NYC ... car bomb gone impotent ... has, actually, been CLAIMED by none other than the Pakistani arm of the Taliban. Man ... claiming that nonsense is like claiming that you won the "Darwin Awards." What idiot claims that sort of failure??? I'm sure Mr. Bin Laden is blushing in some cave right now. If it were me, I'd have my ass on a glacier somewhere at the North Pole. What dumb asses.
Silly, silly terrorists. You should probably take up knitting or something less cerebral.
xoxo
Anna

Jay Clifford...

A great video on youtube of my old pal Jay at The Music Farm in Charleston. Thinking he was there to do a show and ended up busking in the crowd ... to their surprise.
Fabulous, fabulous musician.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytL3Dy-jfXU

xoxo
Anna

Nothing Sacred...

I've always loved this song by Jonatha Brooke. Love all of her music. But, it's a good thing when songs of old inspire you much later in life...

it would take a wider net to drag that deep
through all the years
the years i believed you
you'd be hard pressed to face the fact
of all the lies
and fears that decieved you
you say it doesnt matter now
angels nothing standing in your way
but you forgot to mention how you were done with me
its not your problem anymore
to be true to be kind to never walk away
and its true you were blind no matter what i would say
to you is there nothing sacred
to you

i will turn my back to the wind in your wake
to the cold shards of the life strewn behind you
your record scratched but these lines will break
through the drone of time till their meaning will find you
but you say it doesnt matter now
angels nothing standing in your way
did i forget to mention how im done with you
IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE
to be true to be kind to never walk away
and its true you were blind no matter what i would say
to you is there nothing sacred
to you
to be true to be kind to never walk away
and its true you were blind no matter what i would say
to you is there nothing sacred
is there nothing sacred

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKfjhmtAwdc

Annnnnddddddd .... scene.
xoxo
Anna