Back to my NEWEST "New Normal" ...

Silas and I arrived back in Seattle late, late last night.  Not so bright-eyed ... but, definitely bushy-tailed.
Our weeks spent in South Carolina will, forever, be some the most difficult AND beautiful of my entire life.
The outpouring of love and prayers and support, certainly, helped carry our family through this most difficult time.  Walking into my Daddy's house for the first time without him there took my breath away.  The pictures.  The smell of him.  His shoes.  His hammock.  His favorite coffee cup.  A forgotten plastic covering to a syringe that was used in a futile attempt to save his life ... that was hidden until Silas found it. His tractor that he would take Silas on rides on ... for hours.  His truck.  I could go on and on about what hurts my heart so, so very much.  Mostly, I will never feel his arms around me or hear his voice of love and reason ever again.
However, what overshadows all of that hurt is what we, as a family, have been blessed AND left with.  We have the most amazing family the world has known.  Yes, indeed.  I'll be cocky about that.  We have the most amazing friends ... all of us.  The amount of food, flowers, visitors, prayers, food, prayers, laughs, hugs, kisses, more laughs, and many late night conversations has sustained us and lifted us up during this saddest of times.
Though Dad's passing was sudden and tragic, I wouldn't change the way he went.  He has always says that he didn't want to linger.  Never wanted to sit in a bed ... wasting away.
Right before he passed, he started humming ... nearly unconscious ... he was harmonizing with someone.  The 911 dispatch asked my Step-Mama what he was doing.  She said, "I don't know why, but he's singing".
My father never harmonized with anyone except his own father.  A force of nature himself, my Pop passed last year.  Can't harmonize unless someone is singing with you, right????
Something tells me that my father wasn't singing for his own entertainment at such a moment.
Something tells me he had someone with him and guiding him into comfort and peace.
In that, I, myself, find peace.
What an amazing man you are, Dad.
I miss you dearly.
Hold you closer than ever.
And, I LOVE YOU, MADLY, dear friend.
Anna

Heartbreaking goodbye to my Hero...

I love you Dad.  I don't know how to wrap my mind around your sudden passing.  My heart and soul are ABSOLUTELY broken.  I can, honestly, say I've never felt this kind of hurt in my entire life.  Godspeed, sweet friend, father, grandfather, soulmate, hero ...
Life will NEVER be the same without you here with us.
"I love you, MADLY."
XOXO
Baby Girl

Another Sweet Angel ... disconcerting doesn't describe it ...

... this year has been like the smell and/or eating of  a heap of road kill topped with hog diarrhea for the survivors of the YSC.
The suffering continues for many of our girls ... regardless of staging.  The many unexpected deaths of our dear girls this past year has taken us ALL off guard.  The shock is off the charts.  Seems like this year has us all on a fast running train and, randomly, one of  our dear girls gets yanked off.
It's surreal.
One minute you're chatting with someone.  The next, they are gone.
We are like a beautiful song in some ways.  So, so well written and strong.  But, there is always the chorus that pulls at your heart strings and is what TRULY makes you question yourself and the "song" itself ... whether you understand it or not.
Debra Czawursky is our newest angel:  our latest choir director, if you will.
Sleep well tonight, Sweet Deb.
Godspeed.
xoxo
Anna

Life can be so DAMNED unfair...

... for people that have already had to deal with so, so damned MUCH!  Take, for example, my sweet girlfriend Carol.  The lady was diagnosed over 5 years ago with breast cancer.  Had 2 young babes.  She fought "The Beast" and kicked its ass.
But time marches on.  Life begins to become a bit more "normal".  The cancer world is, and always will be, a part of our lives.  But, the further out we get, many of us (survivor folk) can go for more than 3 seconds without thinking about.
Unfortunately for her family, cancer struck again.
This time, it was her husband.  M was recently diagnosed with testicular cancer.  He's a young and very healthy man.  To say it was a shock is QUITE the understatement.  However, they marched through the diagnosis and surgery like true warriors.
Yesterday, M had his first chemo.  One of "only" two that he will be recieving.  I'm so thankful that he'll only have 2 treatments to battle.
This family has been such a blessing and of huge support of my own.
I send ALL my love, prayers, kisses, hugs, Grey Goose wishes, and smacks on the head to this amazing family.  I know they will rally and rise above it all ... as they've ALWAYS done in the past.
Love y'all.
xoxo
Cooch

Love to the Hollon family...

Many moons ago ... when I was a freshman in college ... I was able to find some reprieve (from freshman dorm life) in housesitting for a family friend.  I babysat for their sweet baby girl and would watch their house and adorable Dalmatian when they went out of town.
Today my sister called with the horrific news that the father of the family, Mitch, was struck by a truck while on his bike.  He was thrown over the bridge into the marsh below.
Mitch died.
He leaves behind a beautiful family.  He leaves behind a gaggle of great friends.  He leaves behind a legacy of being a fabulous physician.
You know the weird thing?????  The first time I fell in love with the scent of Freesia was at their house when I was house sitting.  His wife had this great bubble bath soap.  After housesitting for them for some time, I ended up buying freesia perfumes and such.  Wore it all through college.  Still do.
Godspeed Mitch.  You are TRULY loved.

http://www.postandcourier.com/news/2011/jul/05/bicyclist-knocked-james-island-connector-following/

xoxo
Anna

J & S's "slumber party" ....

Poor Jaden.  Wearing Silas like a "meat coat" all night long must have been really comfortable!
xoxo
Anna

As if I needed more brain issues ...

I've decided that it would best for me to dress in bubble wrap from here on out.  It would also be best to stay away from door frames when your dogs are excited about going for their evening walk.  My "sweet" Otis got overly excited on Monday evening and started to bolt out of my front door.  I, ever the "genius, thought it a good idea to try to grab my 90 lb Wolfhound in fool gallup.  Apparently, that wasn't the best of  options.  Thankfully, Don had just gotten home and shuttled me to the ever "charming" Steven's hospital that has just been taken over by Swedish.  Have to say, it's clear that Swedish hasn't gotten all of the kinks out.
The doctor asked me if I was afraid of needles and stitches.  I couldn't help but get a case of the giggles and  said "have you looked at my chart?   I just need to know how many more days until I can take them out myself and we'll be good to go."  He was a great guy whose mother is a BC survivor.  So, he "got" it.
Hours later ... 6 stitches ... a concussion ... not being able to "procure" medical supplies from cabinets when the nurse was out of the room (as they didn't have shit up in there), we headed back home where my dogs still had their leashes on and were looking at me like I had let them down horribly ... for not taking them for their walk.
Just another day in the life of a dingbat that keeps getting more "dingbatty."
xoxo
Anna