Monday, January 16, 2012

My sweet giant may have been smaller than me ...

Spent a snowy afternoon with Mr. Don watching "Big Fish" (again) for the first time in years.
It's such a lovely, lovely movie.  Fabulous cast, cinematography, writing, etc.
I have to say, this time around, I was much more affected by the film.  The father in Big Fish is dying.  His stories to his son are big, bold, and questioned by his son.
I've been there.
I never had the chance to ask my Dad questions that I had held close to my heart.  I never knew the extent of "his world."  The extent became apparent after his passing.
My father was that "big fish."
A big fish in a small pond  has quite a bit to protect and uphold.
I, simply, wish that I had been privy to a bit of that.
Hell, I wish I'd been privy to A HELL OF A LOT of that,  considering the standards to which I was held my entire life and my overly earnest relationship with my dad.
Lesson learned.
I know my father better than most.
I know my father would have spoken the truth to me if he knew he could fix it.
He couldn't.
I don't hold that against him.
Just wish we could have had one last heart to heart chat where I could look him in the eyes ... where he could share his worries ... where I could have helped console AND council him ... and where I could give him a smack ... and then, a huge hug.
xoxo
Anna

2 comments:

Deborah said...

Well said love. Don't think he's not listening, because he is. And he knows what your heart is saying. You will always have that love for him...
XOXO

Dorcas Anna Warren said...

Bless your heart "Reta."