... hard evening ...

This whole grieving thing is for the birds.  I was fine all day.  Making it over "the hump", so to speak.  I can NEVER imagine working anywhere else during this time.  My salon co-workers are my heart.  So, so fortunate to work with such an amazing "family."  And they are that:  family.
But, late at night ... when my babe is asleep and the house is quiet ... I cannot help but reflect. 
Cancer:  I knew what I was up against and I knew what I needed to do to fix it.
This is a totally different battle.  I cannot do anything to fix this.  I cannot do anything to bring my dad back.  The only thing I can do is to honor him.  Honor what he did for me in the 36 years that I knew and loved him. 
So, I'll share, again, "our song."  Dad and I decided that "Midnight Train to Georgia" was IT:  when I was in high school.  Gladys Knight and Pips, for some reason, spoke to us when we were boogying.  After looking at the lyrics tonight, it seems fairly prophetic ... especially considering that we danced to it in the early 90's:

L A proved too much for the man

[He couldn't make it]
So he's leavin' the life he's come to know
[He said he's goin']
He said he's goin' back to find
Ooh, what's left of his world
The world he left behind
Not so long ago
He's leavin'
On that midnight train to Georgia
Said he's goin' back
To a simpler place in time
And I'll be with him
On that midnight train to Georgia
I'd rather live in his world
Than live without him in mine
He kept dreamin'
That someday he'd be a star
But he sure found out the hard way
That dreams don't always come true
So he pawned all his hopes
And he even sold his old car
Bought a one way ticket back
To the life he once knew
Oh yes he did
He said he would
He's leavin'
On that midnight train to Georgia
Said he's goin' back to find
A simpler place in time
And I'm gonna be with him
On that midnight train to Georgia
I'd rather live in his world
Than be without him in mine
He's leavin'
On that midnight train to Georgia
Said he's goin' back to find
A simpler place in time
And I've gotta be with him
On that midnight train to Georgia
I'd rather live in his world
Than be without him in mine
Go, gonna board, gonna board
The midnight train to Georgia
Gonna board the midnight train
Gotta go, gonna board
Gonna board
Gonna board the midnight train

Dancing with him as a teenager to this song, I never imagined why or how we picked this song as "ours."  Makes TOTAL sense to me now.  I'm trying to look at it as a blessing and an amazing intuiton on his behalf...... especially considering that he looked my step-Mama in the eyes and said "I'm gone."  Hmmmmm ....
I can assure you, I ain't leaving without a fight.  I'm gonna die an OLD, crazy lady.
But, part of me has left this world.  It left with Pappy.
I find comfort in the "simpler place and time."  I have hopes that we ALL find this some day.  Sooner rather than later would be my wish for everyone.
Until then, we march on....
xoxo
Anna