What if ...

.... I died tomorrow?
What if I died when I was 90?
I've been thinking a lot, of late, about how we come full circle in life.  I think I've been spurred on by some really wacky things (anomalies/coincidences).
Of course, my dad's passing has weighed on me ... more than I think I've been willing to admit and address.
But, it's ALWAYS THERE.  Always.
It seems that I cannot make a move or think a thought without having to tell myself "you've got ONE shot at this shit storm that is life, Anna.  Fuck the clouds.  Enjoy the sweet rain that they bring."
I want to look back at my life and myself and my actions and know that I did right by those that I respect, love, and admire.  For, those are the people that matter most.
I, also, want Silas to know the same.
He's at an age, now, that he WILL remember the actions or inactions of those close to him.  He is already beginning to recognize and form opinions about this.
I want my son to be proud of me ... no matter at what age I take my last breath.
I want him to know that I've loved him more that ANYONE in this beautiful universe.
I want him to know that life does throw you many a curve-ball.  But, that doesn't mean that the ball was necessarily aimed at you.  It's just that the person throwing the ball had REALLY SHITTY AIM.
And, shame on those that throw that ball into the world of beautiful souls ... especially children.
I will ALWAYS make sure my son is cared for, protected, and loved.
But, most of all, I want him to know how very proud I am of him ...

xoxo,
Anna