Life/Death ... Sucks/Sucks

  I've had a great week or two.  Did Race for The Cure, threw a great benefit concert for our 3-day team, and am alive am healthy.  TOO MANY pictures will follow.  More hysterical stories will follow that in some days.

  But, tonight, I'm simply pissed.

  One of my dear girlfriends is losing a dear girlfriend to breast cancer.  The woman that is dying is young.  She has a young son and a fiance.  She is also a member of one of my internet support boards.  It just so happens that this young woman is pals with my dear girlfriend in Seattle.

  I'm sick.  I'm sick for my dear "C."  It's the first time C has gone through this with someone close to her.  I've not seen her really upset.  Nacho (our nickname for her) is a badass.  She holds down a really high-end job in a very high-end company that you've all heard of.   She works her ass off ... and she juggles 2 kids whilst doing so.  She still maintains a great sense of humor and is one of the most supportive and loving pals I've ever had.  

  So, when she cried, when I hugged her the other day, I was heart broken.  She's losing a close friend.  She's losing someone that she adores.  She's losing someone that she knows could have been her.  ALL of us feel that way when a young breast cancer patient dies.   But, when it's someone you love and adore, it's nauseating.  To see their child left behind is to see our own children left behind.  It's disgusting.  

  Please think of Jayme and her family.  Please send love and vibes and prayers.  Please send hope.

xoxo

Anna

Hey all ...

Sorry it's been a while.  The computer is pooping out on me and making "slash" marks nonstop.  So, It's really hard to type.

It's a nightmare.  Fortunately I have my good looks and big boobs to keep me happy!

Once we get this figured out, I'll post.  Got great picks from Race for the Cure and from our 3-day benefit concert.  I cannot tell you how crazy the benefit was. We danced, we drank, we laughed.  It was fantastic.   We broke the law.   I have a new found respect for police officers ... at least nice ones that feel sorry for cancer-club gals!

   I talked my oncologist into giving me Zometa.  Zometa is a drug that was originally given to breast cancer patients that had metasticized to the bone.  It was used to strengthen the bone and fight the lesion's (cancer) growth.  Well, a new study has come out supporting the opinion that giving this drug to NON-metastatic women can prevent recurrence to the bone.  It's new and experimental.  But, being in Seattle makes those experimental things more accessible to me.  Just talked my Oncologist into giving me the drug.  Dealing with the flu-like side effects aren't the greatest:  Fever, pain, lethargy.   But, I could care less ... as long as it works!

  Will get back to you all soon.  We're gearing up for the gay-pride parade tomorrow.  We live on Capital Hill, so we don't have to worry about driving anywhere.  Silas' mouth is going to be agape the entire time!  Actually, it probably won't ... takes alot to throw him!

  Happy Saturday.

  New pics coming soon.

xoxo

Anna

Have you ever wished that you were someone else?

  I bought a new CD.  The first in a long time.  Adele.  She's wonderful.  Think Amy Winehouse, only much more refined and lilting.   The Album is titled "19."  Get it.

  One line, in one of her songs, is "When you look at me I wish that I was her."

  That's pretty harsh.

   I didn't understand for a while why I was so drawn to that song and that line in particular.

   I realize that it is because I cannot imagine thinking that.

   I've NEVER wished I was someone else.

   I've been upset about love, life, health issues, money, friends, family, work, etc.  But, never, in a million years have I EVER wished I was someone else.  That line is simply foreign to me.

   I don't lead a grandiose life.  I'm, basically, broke.  I'm a  cancer survivor that lives day to day knowing that there is a shadow behind me, reminding me that "I might catch up with you."  I live in a one-bedroom apartment with my family.  I'm thousands of miles away from my southern family.  

  BUT, I've never ... EVER ... wished I was someone else.  I count that as an amazing blessing.  

  No matter what situation.  No matter how horribly my heart hurt.  No matter how I agonized about ANYTHING.  I've never wished to be any other human but myself.

  I'm not trying to toot my own horn.  But, I'm so very cool with myself.  It'd be great, in theory, to be someone else that had never become a cancer patient.  Cancer is a chronic disease.  When people ask me if I'm okay, if I'm "in remission", it's so weird.  I thought, when I was first diagnosed and treated, that once it was done it was done.  Little did I know, cancer is ALWAYS lingering.  So, the whole, "are you in remission" question took a while to settle in to.  I'm fine with it now.  I know what cancer is.  It's an unknown.  I could recur tomorrow.  There are no promises.  But, I have a feeling that I'm gonna be just fine.

   But, my wanting to be another person would mean that I would have to take on their world, including their family, friends, and lifestyle.   NO WAY, BABY!!!!!!  NO WAY.  I've got the most amazing family one could imagine.  I have the most amazing pals anyone could imagine.  I've got the most amazing job, neighborhood, medical staff, pets, hair, car, toothbrush, shoes, and framed pictures that ANYONE could imagine.  If dealing with strife is the consequence of being me, I'll take it.  

  I choose to be me.  That's not to say that I don't get  jealous of some people being able to own a dog, or a house, or a 401K.  But, that's human.

  I, simply, like me.  I love my world.  I'm not someone that thinks cancer is a blessing.  It's not.  Those that call cancer a blessing need to get a hobby, in my mind.  Call me, I'll give you one.  But, it's something that has made me ME.

  Me is just fine.  Me burps in public and laughs with her son when she does it.  Me is the person that flashes her "Frankentitties" to anyone that dares to look.  Me is the one that has the craziest/funniest family on the planet.  AND, we're fairly functional ... imagine that!  Me is the mama who has a child that charms anyone in his presence ... if he's in a decent mood.  

  I'll take "ME."  I like her.  She's pretty fun.  

  But, mainly, along with "Me" comes her family and friends.  Those people are crazy!  They kill "ME."  They are priceless.

  So, my life is priceless.  Top that!

Another Happy Monday...

  Back home from work.  We went to an early dinner at Azteca.  Silas has learned at an early age how to speak Spanish, as we are constantly eating mexican food.  He'll be walking down the street and see a Mexican person and raise his hand and say, "Hola!"  He keeps walking.  It's so funny.   The first time he did that he was about 18 months old.  A Mexican man passed us in McDonald's, while we were eating, and he just raised his hand and said "Hola."  I laughed.  The sweet Mexican man laughed.  And, my dad, whom I was on the phone with, laughed he ass off.  Funny stuff.

  It's been a quiet day for us.  I was busy at work, but that is a good day for me.  I've got amazing clients.  The majority of which, I greet with a hug.  I was thinking about that today.  I seem to be the only person at work that greets pretty much every one of her clients with a bear hug.  Now, don't get me wrong.  My co-workers are ROCKSTARS.  They hug many of their clients and are the most talented people I've ever worked with.  I guess my hugs are a Southern thing.  It's just funny to me that I just walk up and hug them ... even if it's their second visit.  Can't help myself.  It's in my blood.  This will, probably, bite me in the ass one day.

  I have the absolute BEST working environment one could imagine.  We don't deal in drama and bitchiness.  You're gonna get voted off the island if you come to our salon as an employee and stir up a bunch of crap instead of doing your job ... and DOING IT WELL.  We're not elitists.  But, we are professionals that would rather spend our time doing our art and being professional than sitting in a back room making fun of all the clients' clothing options and lack of style.  Not in our nature.  I'm so blessed to work where I do.  If you need to find a new stylist, go to Salon Joseph in Seattle.  If you cannot get in with me, go to ANY other member of our team.  You'll be in great hands.  It's an amazingly sweet and boutique-ey salon that's nothing like the new fashioned salons that prefer to make one a part of their "factory of hair."  Ridiculous stuff.  If you want a one-on-one experience when  trying on shoes, I would imagine that being tossed around a huge salon when getting your hair done for several hours is not for you.  Our salon is a great place to get an actual personal experience.  WOW, that's a novelty nowadays.  

  Well, off to read some trash magazines and bed.

xoxo

Anna

It's a wonderful day...

  We've had a great day at Volunteer park with our friends Jef and Kris.  Silas was, of course, the only naked person out of the several hundred folks there.  My dear gay people abounded.  I'm assuming the folks that I took pics of were gay ... you'll see the pics.  You'll get it.  Kevin took it upon himself to make himself as sassy as possible and hike his man-panties up his rear and pose like some of these fantastic guys ... in their American flag speedos.  Pics will follow.

  Today is Fathers Day.  My dad is a badass.  Mine is much cooler than yours.  He's an amazingly supportive, loving, and hysterically funny man.  I cannot begin to tell you how blessed I am that my dad is one of my best friends and biggest fans.  For a father and daughter to be so close ... no contingencies ... is amazing.  My dad has made me feel at ease in my most scary situations.  My dad has made me laugh my balls off (yes, I have them) when it was probably more appropriate to cry.  Think cancer.  I, in turn, found a way to make him laugh when I knew he was quietly crying on the other end of the phone.  He taught me a great lesson.  Shake it off.  Find some light in the dark.  It's there ... IT'S ALWAYS THERE.  My dad is someone that I could call and tell ANYTHING and he would not judge me.  He would find a way to help me choose whatever path that leads to happiness.  And that's why I'm so thankful for my father.  He is a wonderful human being.  He's one of the great saviors of my life.

  Speaking of great saviors, it's Mama's birthday.  Happy birthday you crazy lady.  Mama is in Charleston.  She's staying with my sister-cousin and soul mate Angi and her family.  They've been eating and drinking WAY too much, from what I hear.  I'm so glad that she's enjoying herself and with family on her 35th birthday.  She's gonna come and visit us again in July, I think.  Thank God.  Kevin's got a hankering for some good soul-food.

  For those of you that don't like your parents, I'll whore mine out for $1,000.00 an hour.  Don't EVEN try to barter with me.  They're worth much, much more than that!  Plus, they don't judge you too terribly much.  So, that's refreshing as a child.

  Oh, and you might want to stock up on some wine and scotch.

  Lastly, I'd like to give a shout out to my husband.  HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, BABY!  Kevin has been such an amazingly supportive person to me.  He got me knocked up with that precious child of ours.   Our child is brilliant.  I know you think yours is ... but, Michael Jackson thinks he's white.  Need I say more?

   Kevin took it upon himself to go to all of these support groups during my treatment that even I didn't think he needed to go to.  He went to chemo with me and bought the older (metastatic) ladies lunches and flowers.  Margo, one of the ladies that I got chemo with, died last year. Margo was a beautiful African-American woman that was raising her own great-grandchildren. She and Kevin ADORED one another.  Kevin bought her a rose one day while she and I were hooked up to machines.  She beamed.  She had never been given a flower!    

  Before sweet Margo passed, I asked my oncologist if it was okay if I went to see her in hospice, as she suddenly went down hill quickly.  He told me that he didn't think that it would be good for my moral to see her in the state that she was in and that she probably wouldn't even know me anyway.  I'm not one to take orders.  So, I went to see her.  It was bizarre to see this woman, someone that was dying from the same disease that I am fighting, laying in a hospice bed and barely "there."  She wasn't really lucid.  She turned when I came into the room and held her hand.  She "looked" at me, but really wasn't looking at me.  Then, she closed her eyes again.  I grabbed a book that was in front of her and told her I'd read to her.  NO LUCK.  The damned thing was a hymn book.  That's when I said, "Um, I don't think that I should sing these hymns to you, honey.  If I do, they're gonna drag our asses outta here and put us out on the sidewalk.  Imagine you and me out there.  Me pushing you around in this hospital bed trying to find parallel parking!"   A smile.  She smiled.  She was getting it.  But, the smile was small and faded quickly.  Then, I said, "your boyfriend sends his love.  You KNOW who I'm talking about.  I'm beginning to get a bit jealous.  You got anything you want to tell me about you and my husband?"  Her head turned to face me.  I said, "Margo, do you remember the rose that Kevin brought you on Valentine's day?"  She looked up at me and beamed.  She wasn't even supposed to open her eyes, much less remember me or Kevin or any of our experiences together.  She beamed!  She loved him.  He was so good to her.  On this woman's death bed, one of the few things that was still there was her memory of my husband buying her a rose.  I'm proud of that.   We miss you Margo.

  Kevin is so good to me.  He adores me.  I've never said that before.  But, I now know, it's true.  I don't necessarily think that I deserve that.  But, lucky me!  We're buds.  He is great with Silas.  He ABSOLUTELY ADORES my family.  He and I are always the wackiest couple wherever we go.  Humor will save the world ... and it makes our home-life a ball.  We are a damned cool couple.  He's a damned cool father.

  Happy Father's day Kevin/Daddy.  We love you!

It's a great weekend...

  Hello my lovelies.  We spent last night out at our "country home."  Our "country home" is that of one of my best friends.  Maria is southern, crazy, and also a breast cancer survivor.  She is one of my "life partners."  She's family.  She is like a surrogate Mama to my son.  Her daughters, Elliot and Wyatt, are like his surrogate sisters.  They, in my mind, are my surrogate daughters.  We love hanging with them.  Pics of our wonderful night are posted here.  

  We had lunch with Jef and Kris.  Jef is Kevin's co-worker.  Jef is an amazingly kind person.  Kris is his roommate from Norway.  Kris is, also, amazingly kind.   They have become really dear pals of ours.  They put up with our snide senses of humor and can trump us with disgusting jokes.  We're like a fraternity ... except, we actually DO have huge penises.  Even though I'm the only girl in the group, I've got a huge one!

   Then ... and this was the highlight of my Saturday ... then, Silas and I went to see a baseball game between "The Dykes and The Drag Queens."  This is not a joke.  We live on Capital Hill.  It's possibly the most "progressive" place in Seattle.  Thus, it is probably the most progressive place in ALL OF AMERICA.  Gay Pride weekend is coming up.  So, this game was just a teaser for what is to come.  To say that this was the gayest place on earth today would be a huge understatement.  It was hysterical.  Queens abounded.  Dykes abounded.  Gays abounded.  Straights abounded.  Chiffon and makeup and stilettos and mohawks abounded.

  Well, I'm not one to ignore an excellent opportunity.  Maria told me that she'd run into some chicks today that were obviously raising money for a cancer cause.  They were wearing huge bras that said "Put your bucks in our cups."  Brilliant.  We decided that it would be great if I did the same thing at the Dyke vs Drag queen baseball game.  So I did.  And Silas did as well.  We walked down "Broadway" wearing my HUGE nursing bras (size E) with "put your bucks in our cups" written on them.  Not only that ... Silas wanted to wear various parts of his Halloween penguin costume.  So, he had his little flippers on.  He also had his penguin hat on ... I happened to have added a little note on the hat ... "MY MAMA KICKED CANCER'S ASS!"  He can't read.  So, I figure it's not a sin.  As soon as we walked out of our building, we made 6 bucks.  I would like to say that I scored tons of cash at the baseball game.  But, alas, I must say that those damned Dykes and Queens do not draw a generous crowd.  Sons of Bitches.  I got, about, 15 dollars.  What in the hell?  These folks are use to adversity.  I am too.  Why, in the name of Sweet Axl Rose can't the gay-folk pony up?!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Pony up you stiletto-wearing and lady-chasing people.  "Show me the money."

  Honestly, everyone was ensconced in the game.  It was too funny.  Men (and that's a stretch) in spandex and hot pants running around as the women (Dykes) in baseball uniforms were slapping each other on the asses like they belonged to a pro-ball team.  It was fantastic.  Silas screamed and clapped ... and took his clothes off.  If we were at the post office he would have taken his clothes off.  So it certainly  wasn't reflective of the surroundings.  He's just happiest when NOT clothed.   I don't know where he gets that ...

  He ended up on the field during a break in the game with the manager of the "Dykes" with a huge blow-up baseball.   They were kicking the ball back and forth.  Silas could have cared less about his surroundings.  He was focused on his "playdate."  Unconventional, yes.  All the fans were cheering for Silas.  He had no clue.  He was simply having a great time kicking a huge ball to someone that enjoyed sharing this moment with him.  It was so amazing.  Anna's son, wearing a bra, in the middle of a game of Dykes vs. Transvestites shouldn't shock anyone.  I just hope that, one day, he'll appreciate that I dragged him to EVERYTHING.   I want him to experience EVERYTHING before he becomes "human" and starts judging everyone and everything.  We had a great time.  Even the stoned hippies next to us were really into Silas' experience.  The stoned guy kept trying to play ball with Silas:  Silas brought a ball.  Silas kept telling him, "I want chocolate."  One would think that a guy, high on pot, would understand that this kid wanted candy.  But, alas, I'm a perfectionist.  The stoned guy was into playing ball.  Silas was not.

  In any case, he had so much fun.  We laughed and laughed.  We've had great weekend, thus far.

  Tomorrow, we go to Volunteer Park with friends and use the new grill that Silas and I got for Kevin for Father's Day.  We're gonna grill chicken and veggies that I'll marinate tonight, play ball, play frisbee, eat lots of bad food, drink lots of beer and have a ball. You definitely should be jealous.  It's gonna be a gorgeous day.

xoxo

Anna

   

Okay, okay, okay ...

  You people are insatiable.  I don't write for a few days and it's like I've left you in the Sahara with only a jigsaw puzzle.  After the e-mails and calls,  I'm writing.  I'm writing ... give a sister a break.

  So, this week was fairly uneventful, if you live in our world.

  Found a stray dog, spent 2 days looking for his parents.  He spent one night with me, as the vet that I took him to, in order to see if he had a microchip, said that they'd send him to the shelter.  Well, I'm not sending ANY animal to a shelter ... unless Silas really ticks me off.  But, this was an older German Pointer puppy.  He was a doll-baby.  He and Silas ran around the apartment.  Silas was screaming and laughing.  The dog was jumping and rolling.  It reminded me why I so hope to raise my son around many animals.  I'm an animal freak ... sometimes to a fault.  I think you've all bared witness to the fact that I take my agent's dog for the weekend and pretend that he's mine.  Actually, during this whole missing puppy thing, she and I were pretty certain that HE found ME.  She was gonna make sure that we found a place to live that took dogs and she was gonna deal with her veterinarian in regards to the dog's care.  How dreamy she is to me.  Like a guardian angel sometimes.  Well, that was a great plan ... until I saw a flyer posted near my salon the next day.  A picture of "Pup", as we called him, was on it.  I was so thrilled, after going door to door and calling clinics, that he'd been found.  But, I was a bit sad.  Even Kevin was a bit sad ... this is HUGE, as Kevin isn't a huge dog fan.  He told me he LOVED dogs in his attempts to woo me.   I nailed him on that one quickly when a dog licked his hand and he looked like he was going to have a coronary.  In any case, we were sad.

  His owners ended up being from eastern Europe ... this is what I ascertained by their accents.  He was in my car on a comforter with some of Silas' stuffed animals.  Silas wasn't happy that his dancing hippo's chiffon skirt got chewed up, so I gave it to the dog.  Quite the battle.  When they got close to the car, they started calling him "Cho Cho".  What in the hell?????   One of my best cancer-club girlfriend's nickname is "Cho!"  Short for Chemo-afro.  If you've seen it, you understand.  The puppy's tail wagged so hard it was heart-breaking.  I opened the door and he jumped into his mama's arms.  This was after he peed all over the comforter with excitement.  I mean, he peed while he was with me.  But, that was just on the carpet in a corner.  Those Europeans need to learn how to potty train their dogs!   Anyway, It was so sweet.  Damn that stupid eastern European lady.  I wanted to say, "Um have you ever heard of dog-tags and microchips?  I spent my night falling in love with this dog and you've ruined my master plan."  

  But, she scooped him up and off they went.  It was so great to see his little tail wag so hard when he heard their voices.  

  I taught him to sit.  I thought he had bad owners, as he was definitely old enough to be potty trained AND to know how to sit.  Unbeknownst to me, he didn't understand English.  So, I'm sitting their going, "either this dog's an idiot, or his owners are idiots!"  But, in one night, he became fluent, enough, in English to learn how to sit on the English command.  What a smarty pants.

  So, tonight, I hate ALL eastern Europeans.  That's right.  I don't know who his parents are or from where they originate.  But, I can isolate a REGION ON THE MAP.   

  All jokes aside, it just proved to me that I'm gonna end up with about 30 animals ... THAT IS, ONCE I CAN AFFORD A PLACE TO PUT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  On a different note, a client of mine, a newscaster here in Seattle, convinced me to start writing articles and sending them into magazines.  You know, "The top 10 things to say to a friend with breast cancer" and such.  She's seen some of my writing and thinks that I could make money off of it.  I, certainly, could use some extra cash.  But, those articles, typically, make the numbers huge.  Like, "The top 503 things to please him in bed."  WHAT IN THE HELL?  I'm sorry, but I cannot imagine finding the time to do 503 things to please my husband in bed.  I cannot find the time to brush my own teeth.  It's funny to imagine a woman spending her whole night pole dancing, role-playing, cooing, spinning plates, covering her body in ketchup (I do love ketchup, though), growling, washing dishes naked, playing strip poker, and juggling torches covered in chocolate syrup.  It's too messy and WAY too time consuming.  How about just going to sleep.  Now, THAT'S orgasmic!! 

  Man, Kevin's gonna hate that one.

  In any case, we've had a good week.  Kevin's at band practice, Silas just fell asleep, and I'm finishing this up and going to bed.

  Good night my sweet people.

Weekend in the Desert...

  Happy Sunday all.  We've just returned from a wonderful weekend in Yakima ... Kevin's home town.  The state of Washington is so phenomenal.  On one side you have a rain forest, the other a desert.  Yakima is a valley in the middle of a desert.  You'll see this in the pictures.  Desert below, sky above.  

  We spent Friday night with Kevin's mama and step father and brother.  We had a great Friday night catching up.  Saturday was spent brunching with his Grandpa Gentry and his aunt and uncle and cousin.  Grammie and Grandad made so much amazing food.  I, again, ate way to much of it.  Oh, and I found Kevin's mama a 5-leaf clover in their yard ... lucky clover are my forte.  After brunch, we flew.  This is not meant to be figurative.  Kevin's stepfather has a gorgeous plane.  An RV6 to be precise.  He bought it some months ago.  I was keen on going up into the Heavens in his new purchase.  Gailon was a pilot in the Airforce.  The man could fly a paper bag if need be.  So, we spent the afternoon hovering over Yakima in this wonderful 2-seater.  It was fantastic!  I mean, you're in this small-ish plane with a clear bulb over your head.  You've got nothing to obstruct your view and no bitchy flight attendant ramming your leg with her overpriced drink cart.  You feel like you're just floating in a bubble, as it's so small compared to a commercial plane.  The wind in the valley made flying a bit bumpy.  So, I loved it.  You'd lose your stomach at points.  

  We flew over the Yakima Valley.  Gailon flew us over their house.  You see it in the pictures.  He, then, took Kevin up for the same wonderful ride.  We, simply, had a beautiful time.  Next, we went shopping.  Kevin's birthday is tomorrow.  So, his mama and stepfather took him on a shopping spree to get fancy clothes for work.  They bought him the most gorgeous and handsome duds.  Thanks Grammie and Grandad!

  Later on Saturday, we headed over to Kevin's father and stepmother's house.  After settling in and Silas' terrorizing Bambi, their little chihuahua, we all headed to his sister and brother-in-law's house.   Burgers/veggie-burgers abounded.  The food was awesome.  I found 1 four-leaf and 2 5-leaf clovers for Kevin's stepmother.  Again, lucky clover are my forte.  Don't know why they haven't worked for yours truly!  Silas, of course, ran around naked.  There' no question who his mother is.  He peed in their yard, chased the dog, and hit his head about 30 times on many hard objects.  Again, takes after mama.  We all drank to much wine and stayed up too late.  It was great!

  Spent today over at Kevin's grandparent's house. His dad's folks.  They had a big family get-together.  It was great to see all of their family together.  Kevin hasn't been in contact with most of them regularly.  So, it was good to meet new peeps and eat some more food.  Silas played with cousins he'd never met and got a wicked tan.

  We're home now.  We've settled in.  

  Just a note:  Karen, the lady in the van, was asked to leave by the police.  Apparently, someone in our building called them and said she was a nuisance.  I find that funny, as she was never OUTSIDE of her van.  She NEVER begged anyone for ANYTHING.  Kevin ran into her at the grocery store the other day.  She insisted on paying for $15.00 of his groceries.  He, in turn, gave her $30.00 for gas.   Um, I think they could have been more efficient with the math.  When she asked how to get it back to him, he told her to pay it forward.   We are hoping she makes it.

  Nighty, night

xoxo

Anna

I'm an Amazon ...

  As most of you know, the Amazon women were warriors that cut off their right (typically) breasts in order to make shooting a bow and arrow more easy and precise.   They were a hard core group of chicks.  I've always been extremely intrigued by them.  They were warriors:  strong, independent, fearless.  I, actually, thought of them when I was told that I would have to have a mastectomy.  Honestly, I wasn't EVER freaked out about losing my boob.  The cancer scared me.  The boob being cut off, NEVER.  I figured, if it saves my life, GET IT GONE!  Take 'em both.  Take my legs.  Take my arms.  I just want to be around to see my son grow up.   Never cried over losing my boobs.  They end up looking like "wind-socks" after you nurse a child anyway.  So, they're gone ... one by necessity, the other by choice.

  My girlfriend Sandi is an amazing artist.  She has decided that she wants to do some work based on the Amazon women.  She has chosen me as her model.  I guess it is fitting, as I physically resemble them ... amputated, stretched, scarred.   I've posed for her many times before.  But, this time, it's different.  I think that I'll have more of an emotional tie to the subject matter.  I hope that my mind continues to be so closely tied to these women.    I hope, as an actress AND a breast cancer patient, that I can reflect upon my experience in a way that helps her to capture the emotion.   

  Sandi is living in Japan right now.  She'll be moving back to Seattle in August, thank God!  We've missed her and her family so much.

  In any case, I will be posing for her (via photos e-mailed to her) during the entire process of my breast reconstruction ... until she makes it back to us.  Once she's back, we'll be able to do this whole deal in person.  I'll post photos of the paintings, if she allows.  I know she will.

  I'll also let all of you know when she begins selling the paintings.  You better snatch them up.   Her work and my "Franken-titties" are a hot commodity.   

xoxo

Anna

p.s. I just looked out of my window.  I saw my "Jesus" candle burning inside Karen's van/home.  I'm so glad she's using it.

Rain, rain, rain ... and more rain ...

  We've had a full day.  Went to the aquarium and lunch with our new pal Kris.  He's Kevin's co-worker's new room mate.  Kris is from Norway.  He's here in Seattle to experience the world and is going to school here.  He's a gem.  He and Jef have become such wonderful friends.  Kris was so great with Silas.  He was toting him around like a proud uncle.  At the aquarium, I told him, "dude, you keep holding Silas like that and you're gonna SCORE with the ladies."  The only cute ladies we saw were holding hands ... with one another.  So, either they are lesbians (he's outta luck) OR they were going for the family package like Heather and I did some weeks ago.  Again, if you're playing the role, YOU GOTTA COMMIT!   Damn!  I thought we were the only ones bucking the system!

  This morning, Kevin and I noticed a van outside of our building.  We're on the second floor of our building ... just above the welcoming green awning.  The van has been there for some days.  But, we noticed that a woman was just hanging out.  We wondered if she was living in it.  Then, I noticed her closing curtains, tidying up, putting on a huge backpack, and locking the door.  She walked away.  I KNEW that she was living in that van.  That is her home.  Now, I'm, certainly not rich.  My income, actually, puts me at poverty level.  But, I'm comfortable and happy and live in a quaint apartment with great family and pets.  But, I felt so sorry for this woman.  I loaded up a bag of canned goods, a trash magazine, some bananas, an apple, a nutrigrain bar, and other goodies.  I tied the bag to her rear-view mirror with the only string-ish thing I had ... A SPARKLY GOLD STRING FROM A BIRTHDAY GIFT.  I did it while she was gone, as I didn't want to embarrass her.  When I got back, it was gone ... well, the bag was gone.  The sparkly ribbon was still hanging from the mirror.  It was blowing in the wind, attached to the mirror.  So, I was sitting up in the apartment, looking down at her van from my window.   I was looking in hopes that I might see if she, herself, was rifling through the bag or was eating something that I had left for her.  I was worried that someone just took the bag off of her van.  I eventually sat down to surf the interweb when I heard someone whistling ... like they were calling an animal.  I looked out of my window (hiding behind my plants, like some psycho) and saw her letting a cute little black and white cat into the van.  She closed the door after the cat hopped in.   At that point, I told myself that crying wasn't an option.  Now, I have to admit, I CANNOT STAND A FRICKIN' BEGGAR.  People that incessantly panhandle, without returning the favor in whatever way they can, annoy the hell out of me.  If you can find a way to repay the favor ... ANY WAY ... I'm fine with it.  Sing me a song, tell me joke, give me a hug, or do a magic trick for my son.  If you sit on a street corner, asking other people for help, DO NOT DRAG A HELPLESS ANIMAL INTO YOUR SHIT!!!!!!!!!!  If you cannot feed yourself, DO NOT GET A DAMNED DOG!!!!!   I don't feel sorry for you ... normally.  OH, AND BY THE WAY, IF YOU CANNOT FEED YOURSELF, DO NOT GET PREGNANT ... THERE IS SUCH A THING AS PLANNED PARENTHOOD.  I've been there, when I didn't have insurance, to get my annual "girly" exam ... you know the PAP SMEAR.   They might as well have handed me a bag of condoms when I walked in the door, as they were "strategically" placed EVERYWHERE!!!!!   They were free.   Don't be lazy, folks.  But again, I digress ...

  I don't ALWAYS throw money at folks that seem to need it, as I probably need it more than them.  But, I do sometimes feel moved to do so.  I, as stated above, typically don't buy into people that are homeless and have animals.  But, this woman wasn't ASKING for anything.  She is, simply, living.  Living outside of my small BUT warm and cozy apartment with her pretty kitty.  So, in any case, I remembered that we got a coupon for a free bag of cat food.  We got the food the other day.  I got the bag and just went down to her van and acted ignorant.  "Um, do you happen to have a cat?"  She said, "Um, yeah."  I just told her that we had gotten lots of coupons for cat food.  I told her that all this food was probably going to expire.  I asked if she wouldn't mind taking some of it off our hands.  She said, "Well, sure.  Thanks so much.  My cat's getting angry that I keep feeding her(?) dog food."  I didn't mention the groceries from earlier in the day.  It's a big city.  That could have been anyone.

  Later tonight I heard Kevin's voice outside.  He had, apparently, come home from band practice.  He had, also, blown my cover.  He walked up to her van, as the door was open.  He introduced himself and pretty much told her that I was the one "secretly" dropping off all this crap.  Men aren't the most subtle creatures.  I was pissed at first.  But, when he made it up to the apartment, he said, "Well, Karen is so thankful for the cat food.  Oh, and I told her that you were the one that gave her all the food.  Sorry."  Really?   I had NO F-ing clue!  He went on to say that she has a job interview on Friday.  Whether thats the truth or not, who knows?  I don't care.  Kevin asked her if she had any candles or a light in the van.  She said no.  So, I sent him down there with some candles, some (more) flowers, a wind-up flashlight, and a copy of "The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood."  It's the only book that, I think, I have 2 copies of.   He, himself, told her that he was home on Thursday night.  I work late.  He said that if she would like to come up to the apartment, while he was here to supervise, she could come and take a bath or shower to get herself cleaned up for her interview on Friday.  Again, we don't know if she actually HAS an interview.  Honestly, I could care less.  Pretty wonderful that my husband doesn't think I'm crazy AND is actually offering to supervise her showering in the apartment ...................... WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

  I will finish this by saying that I'm not writing this to prove to ANY of you that I'm a saint or a  great person.  I'm not writing in hopes that I get responses showering me with, "Oh, ya'll are so wonderful!"  I already know that we're bad asses:  Kevin and I can rock a karaoke bar like Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton ... my son can make the iciest person in a room melt into a hot mess ... I have HUGE franken-titties ... Kevin's band is getting back together AND he just got a raise at work ... we have the coolest families and friends that this universe has EVER seen ...  Our jobs ROCK!  So, I'm pretty fine with myself.  I'm, probably, better off than most folks I know.

  I'm just writing this because it's my blog and I blog ... I'm a "blogger."  I'll blog you outta the blog-damned state, if you cross me!  

  Seriously.  I feel like helping this woman.  If she proves me wrong, great.  I'm so fine with that.  But, what does it hurt to try to help someone out ... especially, someone that NEVER asked for help in the first place.

xoxo

Anna

   

Another weekend away at the beach...

We had a wonderful weekend, again, at my agent's beach house.  She didn't go, but gave us the keys and her sweet dog (at my request) and we went out to Pacific Beach.  I took quite a few pictures.   The house is spewing with literature ... which I covet.  In reading some of these beautiful books, some of which are signed by pretty amazing folks, I found some of my favorite quotes.  Wrote them down for all of us to reflect upon:

"Wise men ne'er sit and wail their loss, but cheerliy seek how to redress their harms." - Shakespeare 

"The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved, or rather loved in spite of ourselves" - Victor Hugo

"The most happy man is he who knows how to bring into relation the end and the beginning of his life."  - Goethe

"It is much easier to suppress a first desire than to satisfy those that follow." - Rouchefoucauld

"Every One must have felt that a cheerful friend is like a sunny day, which sheds its brightness on all around;  and most of us can, as we choose, make of this world either a palace or a prison." - Sir J. Lubbock

"The virtue lies in the struggle not in the prize." - Milnes

"I argue not against heaven's hand or will, nor bate a jot of heart or hope, but still bear up, and steer right onward."  - Milton

"He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature." - Socrates

"There is one person who is wiser than anybody, and that is EVERYBODY." - Talleyrand

  

  Hope you all had a wonderful weekend.  Tomorrow:  back to work for Anna-Sama ...  

  Tomorrow night will be spent on the town celebrating Kevin's birthday with a co-worker and his roommate who shares a birthday with Kevin.  They are wonderful guys.  Silas always goes out on the town with the four of us.  Silas tends to be the only kid out in these hipster restaurants.  He, also, ends up being the only one that the ladies are looking at and doting upon.  He's the worst flirt.  It's embarrassing sometimes.  Believe you me ... that boy is gonna be pad-locked into his bedroom at the age of 12.  I'll do it.  You bet your ass, I'll do it!

  So, good night, good night, sleep tight.  And if you have Bed Bugs ... CALL A DAMNED EXTERMINATOR!!!!!!!  That's disgusting!