Thursday, June 12, 2008

Okay, okay, okay ...

  You people are insatiable.  I don't write for a few days and it's like I've left you in the Sahara with only a jigsaw puzzle.  After the e-mails and calls,  I'm writing.  I'm writing ... give a sister a break.
  So, this week was fairly uneventful, if you live in our world.
  Found a stray dog, spent 2 days looking for his parents.  He spent one night with me, as the vet that I took him to, in order to see if he had a microchip, said that they'd send him to the shelter.  Well, I'm not sending ANY animal to a shelter ... unless Silas really ticks me off.  But, this was an older German Pointer puppy.  He was a doll-baby.  He and Silas ran around the apartment.  Silas was screaming and laughing.  The dog was jumping and rolling.  It reminded me why I so hope to raise my son around many animals.  I'm an animal freak ... sometimes to a fault.  I think you've all bared witness to the fact that I take my agent's dog for the weekend and pretend that he's mine.  Actually, during this whole missing puppy thing, she and I were pretty certain that HE found ME.  She was gonna make sure that we found a place to live that took dogs and she was gonna deal with her veterinarian in regards to the dog's care.  How dreamy she is to me.  Like a guardian angel sometimes.  Well, that was a great plan ... until I saw a flyer posted near my salon the next day.  A picture of "Pup", as we called him, was on it.  I was so thrilled, after going door to door and calling clinics, that he'd been found.  But, I was a bit sad.  Even Kevin was a bit sad ... this is HUGE, as Kevin isn't a huge dog fan.  He told me he LOVED dogs in his attempts to woo me.   I nailed him on that one quickly when a dog licked his hand and he looked like he was going to have a coronary.  In any case, we were sad.
  His owners ended up being from eastern Europe ... this is what I ascertained by their accents.  He was in my car on a comforter with some of Silas' stuffed animals.  Silas wasn't happy that his dancing hippo's chiffon skirt got chewed up, so I gave it to the dog.  Quite the battle.  When they got close to the car, they started calling him "Cho Cho".  What in the hell?????   One of my best cancer-club girlfriend's nickname is "Cho!"  Short for Chemo-afro.  If you've seen it, you understand.  The puppy's tail wagged so hard it was heart-breaking.  I opened the door and he jumped into his mama's arms.  This was after he peed all over the comforter with excitement.  I mean, he peed while he was with me.  But, that was just on the carpet in a corner.  Those Europeans need to learn how to potty train their dogs!   Anyway, It was so sweet.  Damn that stupid eastern European lady.  I wanted to say, "Um have you ever heard of dog-tags and microchips?  I spent my night falling in love with this dog and you've ruined my master plan."  
  But, she scooped him up and off they went.  It was so great to see his little tail wag so hard when he heard their voices.  
  I taught him to sit.  I thought he had bad owners, as he was definitely old enough to be potty trained AND to know how to sit.  Unbeknownst to me, he didn't understand English.  So, I'm sitting their going, "either this dog's an idiot, or his owners are idiots!"  But, in one night, he became fluent, enough, in English to learn how to sit on the English command.  What a smarty pants.
  So, tonight, I hate ALL eastern Europeans.  That's right.  I don't know who his parents are or from where they originate.  But, I can isolate a REGION ON THE MAP.   
  All jokes aside, it just proved to me that I'm gonna end up with about 30 animals ... THAT IS, ONCE I CAN AFFORD A PLACE TO PUT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  On a different note, a client of mine, a newscaster here in Seattle, convinced me to start writing articles and sending them into magazines.  You know, "The top 10 things to say to a friend with breast cancer" and such.  She's seen some of my writing and thinks that I could make money off of it.  I, certainly, could use some extra cash.  But, those articles, typically, make the numbers huge.  Like, "The top 503 things to please him in bed."  WHAT IN THE HELL?  I'm sorry, but I cannot imagine finding the time to do 503 things to please my husband in bed.  I cannot find the time to brush my own teeth.  It's funny to imagine a woman spending her whole night pole dancing, role-playing, cooing, spinning plates, covering her body in ketchup (I do love ketchup, though), growling, washing dishes naked, playing strip poker, and juggling torches covered in chocolate syrup.  It's too messy and WAY too time consuming.  How about just going to sleep.  Now, THAT'S orgasmic!! 
  Man, Kevin's gonna hate that one.
  In any case, we've had a good week.  Kevin's at band practice, Silas just fell asleep, and I'm finishing this up and going to bed.
  Good night my sweet people.

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