Heading home...

Well, Silas and I are getting all our goodies together this morning. We fly back home in a few hours. So, we're trying to remember the important things and forget about the unimportant things, like underwear, shoes, toothbrushes, anti-psychotic meds. It is the South after all.
Mama continues to sound wonderful. I know she'll have a case of the nerves on Thursday morning before the mastectomies. But, she'll have little time to worry with us Clampets running around stealing everything in her room that's not nailed down. Seriously, as I've said before, you PAY to "acquire" most of the goods in that room.
She will be just fine. Hey she gets narcotics. What more can I say?
Silas is very excited to be flying again. He's pretty much a dream on planes. I really, really lucked out with that one ... in more ways than one. Apparently, every relative in York County has bought a plastic swimming pool to woo him over to THEIR house. There will be 4-wheelers, tractors, bass boats, speed boats, fishing, Carowinds (with rides and a wave pool), the Riverbanks Zoo in Columbia ... Yadda yadda. This kid's gonna hate me when I drag him back here.
We'll be leaving Daddy and Tootsie here to hold down the fort. They will be missed for sure. I'm sure Daddy and Tootsie might just get into some trouble of their own while we're gone.
We'll check in when we can.
xoxo
Anna

A note of thanks

I just wanted to thank everyone back home and up here for all their love and support for Mama. She and our family are so thankful for the calls, sweet cards, and beautiful flowers (that means you and your Mama Miss Ellen).
We, truly, love and thank you all for the kind words and support.
Mama is a strong, strong lady. This is just a speed-bump in her summer break.
I'm very proud to call her a "sister" in the breast cancer battle.
Wait ... she's my Mama and, now, my sister ... WAYYYY too southern ...
xoxo
Anna

Edna St. Vincent Millay...speaks the truth!

Just another reason that she's been one of my favorite for years. She knows the human condition like no other...

THERE AT DUSK I FOUND YOU~

There at dusk I found you, walking and weeping
Upon the broken flags,
Where at dusk the dumb white nicotine awakes and utters her
fragrance
In a garden sleeping.

Looking askance you said:
Love is dead.

Under our eyes without warning softly the summer afternoon
let fall
The rose upon the wall,
And it lay there splintered.
Terribly then into my heart the forgotten anguish entered.

I saw the dark stone on the smallest finger of your hand,
And the clean cuff above.
No more, no more the dark stone on the smallest finger
Of your brown and naked arm,
Lifting my body in love!

Worse than dead is he of the wounded wing,
Who walks between us, weeping upon the cold flags,
Bleeding and weeping, dragging his broken wing.
He has gathered the rose into his hand and chafed her with his
breath.
But the rose is quiet and pale. She has forgotten us all.
Even spring.
Even death.

As for me, I have forgotten nothing,-nor shall I ever forget-
But this one thing:
I have forgotten which of us it was
That hurt his wing.
I only know his limping flight above us in the blue air
Toward the sunset cloud
Is more than I can bear.

You, you there,
Stiff-necked and angry, holding up your head so proud,
Have you not seen how pitiful lame he flies, and none to befriend
him?
Speak! Are you blind? Are you dead?
Shall we call him back? Shall we mend him?

xoxo
Anna

Busy as bee today...

Thank God...
I was booked solid all day long. It, certainly, makes the day pass. Had one of my dear girlfriends from YSC as my first client. Great way to start out a busy day. Got to catch up and such...
I got off of work and spent some time with with Bhama, my dear, dear girlfriend that has just moved back to Seattle ... from LA.
We've been doing the acting thing for years. She stuck with it. I, not so much. She has made great head-way in the acting world. Grey's Anatomy, anyone?
We are represented by the same agent. We've acted and "played" together forever.
I'm so glad that she's back in town. If someone asked me "who is the most talented actress that you know and have worked with - personally?" The answer would be Bhama Roget. I'm not, simply, saying this as a dear friend. I am telling you that she is a brilliant performer ... a chameleon ... a beautiful singer (she sang at my wedding, and my sister was balling so damned much from the song that she barely made it down the isle!) ... and a profoundly brilliant comedienne. I'm a Gilda/Carol fanatic and worshiper. She's of the same vein. I've become so close with so MANY brilliant artists. Miss Bhama is and forever will be at the top of the heap. I've, so, missed her. The real deal and so devoid of drama ... imagine that of an actress!
xoxo
Anna

Jury is in...

Well, I wanted to wait until we got all the info on Mama to post this.
On Monday, my Mama's birthday, her radiologist phoned to say that her latest biopsy confirmed that she does, in fact, have breast cancer. Could the fates give my family a fucking break now? Seriously?!
The great news is that her cancer is DCIS: ductal carcinoma in-situ. This means that her cancer is confined to her ducts ... as opposed to having infiltrated the surrounding tissue.
This is the earliest stage of breast cancer a person can have. So, all in all, she has a wonderful prognosis.
Unfortunately, many people (including some doctors) are under the impression that DCIS is a "pre-cancer", as it's not become invasive. To them, I say, "YOU ARE HORRIBLY MISTAKEN."
I have a young-ish girlfriend that was diagnosed with the VERY same disease and staging. She, a year or so later, metasticised. To say that it wasn't cancer seems to be an absolute fallacy, considering the fact that the went metastatic.
Mama, ever the warrior, has opted for a bi-lateral mastectomy. She wants to be very aggressive in her treatment. I CANNOT AGREE MORE. Her surgeon is on board with this. The surgeon will also perform a sentinel node biopsy to make sure that, for some freakish reason, the cancer hasn't spread to her nodes. I'm so pleased with this surgeon. I think it helps that she is a breast cancer survivor herself. Blessed be!
So, thanks to the angel that is my brother Josh, Silas and I will be able fly back to South Carolina next week. I'll take care of Mama and Silas will spend some much needed time with my family that misses him so terribly much.
We'll fight it ... again. We'll kick its ass ... again. At this point, cancer, I'd advise not knocking on our doors any longer. You'll lose.
In other news, my scans came back. I'M CANCER FREE!!! After having spoken to Mama about her pathology, this put me over the edge. Poor Linda, the receptionist at Dr. Fer's office, probably felt so bad when she told me the great news. I was balling on the phone. They've never see me like that. I'm generally the "hey, beat the shit outta it and move on" sort of gal. But, lot's of personal stuff has been brewing. So, hearing this news (when I thought that it was gonna be bad) was, simply, overwhelming.
So, off we go to South Carolina next week. Kevin and Tootsie will hold down the fort while I teach Mama how to "strip" her JP drains. I'm like Macgyver with that stuff.
Thanks for all the e-mails and love.
I'm still taking donations for my cousin Angie Kemp that was just diagnosed and has no insurance. Let me know if you're interested.
xoxo
Anna

Wonderful day with Grammie and Grandaddy

We had a damned good day with Grammie and Grandaddy. Ate at the Cheesecake Factory ... then we crossed the street and played a plethora of games at Gameworks. As is the norm, I scored a treat out of the "claw machine." I have VERY few talents. But, I will pull some shit outta a claw machine. Never fails.
This time it was a red velvet pillow that said "Hot and Spicy." Ouch. It looks like a prop from a porn set. And, Silas won't let the damned thing go. I'm gonna have to spend the next several months explaining this claw machine "treat."
xoxo
anna

Not able to sleep...

Worked nonstop for 8 hours today ... came home and napped. So tired lately. Now, I'm still up at 1:27am. Not like me.
Fortunately, Kevin is up with me and we're listening to music. Actually, it's an old Charleston pal of mine, Jay Clifford. Check his music out. He's brilliant. Zac Braff recently directed his first big music video, as I believe they've become pretty good friends.
I've had a lot on my mind, of late. Life transitions and such. It's always difficult to make change "normal." It's not. For people that have dealt with cancer. I think the reason is that we're in our own little world ... as much as we don't want to be. But we are. And everyone inside that bubble is so close to your heart. So, every iota of ANYTHING makes one fear that the bubble will burst. And sometimes it's on the verge. Sometimes, it's not. And then, sometimes ... it does. And it all comes spilling out.
xoxo
Anna

The waiting...

Well, I had a CT scan yesterday. My first scan in nearly a year and a half. I hate scans. Not the act of getting a scan ... I could care less about that. It's the waiting that's the killer.
So many things go through your mind in the days that follow a scan. What if it's back? What if I had NO idea that it is back and it's gotten bad? What if my insurance company decides to fight me getting this scan? What if that gum I accidentally swallowed during the scan shows up as a big tumor in my stomach?
The latter is true. Right as they started to scan me I said "Shit!" The tech asked what happened. I told him that I accidentally swallowed my gum without thinking about it and I'm sure the radiologist is gonna freak! He just laughed. So, I figure, it'll be noted. What an ass I am.
But, if you go all damned morning without food or drink, gum is a good way to help appease the hunger ... that is, until you swallow the gum.
The scans are being done, as I've been referred to a gastro-doc for issues I'm having with my stomach. The idea is that it is possibly an ulcer. So, the scans are just routine.
But, if you're a cancer survivor, NOTHING seems routine.
So, I wait.
xoxo
Anna

Race for the Cure...

Sunday proved to be a wonderful day. The Race for the Cure. The Young Survival Coalition came out in full force, along with literally thousands of others. We choose to do the walk ... not the run. We've already had to suffer enough. Don't make us run people.
I got into the registration area (for survivors) where I was handed my t-shirt and my "race" number. Low and behold, the poor lady handed me the number "911." No joke. I laughed and said, "um, are you spiting me?" She, then offered me "913." I figure "13" might be worse. So, I went with "911" ... clearly knowing my propensity for accidents and bad luck.
The race/walk went very well. wonderful weather to boot. However, when I was called up to the stage to accept my award for "Survivor of the Year", I maintained my knack for accidental humor. Being pushed to the front of the stage ... after telling them "no I'm fine right here" ... I tripped over a cord connecting 2 amps. And there, in front of several thousands of people tripped and nearly fell on my face. Yes indeed. Any hope for a damned graceful bone in my body died there at the 2009 Race for the Cure. My YSC girlfriends were laughing their asses off ... as well they should have.
All in all, it was a great day.
The low point, however, was going to "The Remembrance Tent." K-Dawg was there. Blown up pictures made her larger than life there in the remembrance tent. She looked so beautiful and alive and healthy ... AND HAPPY. Just last year she did this walk with me and we laughed the whole time. One of the pics in the tent was of her and L, her daughter, at last years' race. So surreal. I just kept looking at her face hoping that it would become animated and she could be alive again ... just for a moment.
xoxo
Anna

Road to reality...

Sometimes things aren't as they seem.
Sometimes things are EXACTLY as they seem.
Sometimes things are there and you don't care to see what they seem.
Sometimes things are there and you realize that you just might know "it".
And then, those things all add up and seeming is no longer an issue.
Reality is the thing.
I love reality ... mostly.
But, sometimes, it's a hard pill to swallow. Especially when the back story has defined your life for ages.
I choose to swallow the pill. But, I don't have to be happy about it.
Not one damned minute.
Some pills need to be swallowed, but that doesn't mean that they are healing.
Not one bit.

Couple of Weeks ...

Oh Lawd!!! There isn't enough coffee in Kona to get me movin' this morning. The only thing that is keeping going is that Silas is having one of his "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!" days. He is running around the house in a "wife beater" t-shirt, a penguin hat, and yelling, "I LOVE YOU, MOMMY." I gotta say, that phrase may be the only one that I could hear constantly for the rest of eternity and would NEVER tire of.
This has been a long and great week promoting Komen's Race for the Cure and our Komen Day at Salon Joseph. On Monday, I did an interview with KING 5 promoting the Race for the Cure and discussing the issues that young survivors face. Yesterday, I did another on-air interview on Fox Q13 promoting our "Komen Day" at the Salon and, again, discussing the plight of the young survivor. The Q13 gang are my peeps. Gotta say, I just love everyone over there. M.J McDermont, their meteorologist, is a client of mine. So, it was great to see her. Scott, their producer, is the fiance of one of my dear, dear "cancer club" girlfriends. He works so, so hard for the cause. And is just the most kind fellow, ever! Thanks so much everyone for the opportunity.
We had an awesome day at Salon Joseph. We were so, so slammed. The front desk counted $700.00, alone, in mere cash donations. That's not including what we, personally, will be donating from the salon itself. We're gonna extend the drive through tomorrow, as we've had so much public interest and support with this event. It's been just amazing. I'm so proud of my co-workers for working so hard and for helping out so graciously. I cannot thank them enough for being so supportive in this.
In other news, I've gotta go see Dr. Fer tomorrow. It's nothing cancer-related (thank God). Think I've got this ulcer brewing, or something. Could be the plague - knowing my luck. But, I'm sure we'll figure it out. Stress can be quite the beast. I sure hope he doesn't send me to somebody that's gonna have to "probe" me.
On second thought ......

Race for The Cure week is BUSY!

It's gonna be a LONG week. The Race for the Cure is coming up on Sunday. Many, many events comprise the preamble to said race. Last night, I was a "model" (don't laugh) for a "Save the Girls" benefit. It was a fund raiser for Komen. Models wore bras that were designed by local individuals or companies. The bras will be bid on. The venue was packed. So, I'm certain that much cash was raised. The funny was: all the models wore this funky outfits and these striking stiletto shoes or boots. However, Nicole and myself (2 of the 3, actual, survivors) were dressed in the most hysterically "Chico" attire I've EVER seen. We were the only models, out of about 20, that wore sandals. I mean, these bedazzled sandals. Flat as the earth. We laughed the entire time as all the other gals were strutting around in their "screw-me" shoes. We plodded around in our cuter-than-can-be little sandals. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm not a "Chico" shopper. I'm not a "capri" wearer. So, it was a bit of an odd pill to swallow. But, the cause was worth it. Here are some pics before the shindig of we three survivors.
I did an interview on KING5 today about the being a young survivor and the Race for the Cure. It went just fine. Felt a bit nervous. That was odd for me. But, so be it. Getting the word out is the point. I'll be doing another on-air interview on Wednesday morning on Fox Q-13. Watch, if you dare.
The Young Survival Coalition will be coming out in full force on Sunday for the walk. We ALWAYS have a grand time together. Mamas and kids/babies/strollers abound. I so look forward to spending the day with my girls.
Oh, and Wednesday will be a big day Salon Joseph. We'll be holding the "Cuts for the Cure" benefit. A portion of the proceeds and our tips that day will be going to Komen. So, book an appointment or drop by and make a donation in person if you can.
xoxo
Anna