Friday, April 9, 2010

Rise by Eddie Vedder ... sweet song

Such a lovely song ... such a lovely meaning. When we feel like we cannot go on. When the earth is the only thing holding us up, it's amazing to me how resilient human beings can be. I sure hope that I'm of that character. I hope that during these precious years on this earth, I find a way to "Rise Up", take my life by the balls, and make sure I do the best I can to keep it not only floating ... but sailing.
Hope I can rise up and "throw my ace in the hole." For both my son and myself.
Hope I can smile about it. Hope I can one day laugh about it ALL.
And I hope one day ... when I'm an old (and crazy) lady with my millions of animals ... I will have made my precious son proud. And ... I hope on the day that I take that last breath, I can say I've made MYSELF proud. Don't think I'm there yet. But, I sure look forward to that epiphany. Will I ever KNOW that it has happened? Is there a certain moment in your life where you have that "AH HA" moment and realize that your heart is settled, you've made amends, that you've figure out why you did what you did and loved who you loved and ate what you ate and drank what you drank ... and, cried when you cried?
When will it all come to fruition for us as humans? I'm not waiting with bated breath. But, I look forward to a day when I have a bit more of a clue why my path has led me here. Why myself and my family have been forced to wander in the direction that we've been pushed. Guess it was our "calling."
Who knows. Just look forward to knowing. The "knowing" is becoming more and more important to me.
And if, for whatever reason, we don't find out the "whys" ... that's okay I guess. It'd just like to have some sort of clue. Cause we're all fighting. Damned hard. All us ladies. For our children and our families. And, it seems to me that not a whole hell of a lot of us are getting any SEMBLANCE of a break.
In the end, however, we win. Regardless of the path ... MAN, I'm hiking it with some damned fine ladies, family, and friends. Fuck you, Cancer. You lonely Bitch.
xoxo
Anna

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