Good Saturday...

Happy Saturday all. I'm chillin' at home after a longish day of work. I like working a couple Saturdays a month. There's a good vibe in the salon, as it's the weekend and people are ready to get home and relax or go out and have a good time. They are positive, for the most part, and happy to be where they are.
But, alas, I had a moment, yesterday, that broke me. I was doing the hair of one of my most FAVORITE clients. She happens to be a member at the same church of my dear girlfriend that moved on to a MUCH better place earlier this month. As I was in South Carolina during the funeral, I wasn't able to attend. That's something that wears on me still.
Anyway, my client said that she was in awe seeing the whole church PACKED with so many people. People dressed in the typical, dark, mourning colors ... AND THEN SHE SAW A ROW OF BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMEN DRESSED IN PINK. Those were my Cancer-Club girlfriends. I was trying to color my client's hair ... but, after getting this surreal visual, I was crying into her hair AND the color and everything around it. I regrouped, in back, and came back out with the wonderful memory of that beautiful (if sad) day of celebration. My client and I MOVED ON from the conversation. Laughed about our kids and families and jobs and cars and animals and ... I'm damned blessed to be able to have that voice with which to laugh! Blessed to be able to move on ... on my own accord.
Man ... moving on is hard. Listening to old voice mails has become the definition of "dichotomy" for me. Beautiful yet wrong.
xoxo
Anna

Introducing "Tootsie"...

Well, here she is. Our wonderful new baby. Silas named her "Tootsie". I've no idea from where that came, but it happens to be the name of my great aunt. What are the odds?
She was said to be some sort of Australian Shepard or Retriever mix. But, I'm not sure I believe that. She's black with brindle paws ... medium length soft hair. But, her paws are gigantic. I don't know that she is gonna be as "small" as an Aussie. Then, her ears. They have curly black hair ... like a Newfoundland. So, Kevin looked up Newfoundland puppies and, much to our surprise there was on that looked just like her.
Who knows what she is. She's a total mutt. And she's as smart as a whip. She's only 12 weeks old and we taught her how to sit last night. She learned how to fetch today. And, she's already going to the door (sometimes) when she needs to potty. Our only issue will be her biting. She gnaws on everyone and everything. It's not a big deal, as it's so common and is her trying to find her place in the pecking order of the "clan." After working with her tonight, it's gotten much better. Silas, now, walks around the house with his arms raised so she won't bite his hands. He looks like he's praising the Good Lord 24/7.
So, we're as pleased as punch. Even Kevin, the non-dog lover, is in love with her.
Timing is everything. This little lady proves that to me.
xoxo
Anna

Well ... Glory be ...

This post is not a poem. I know, I know ... I've been in the books. Seems I've been in reading mode lately, which I love. But, I won't bore you with the history.
No, no dear readers. I care not to bore you tonight ... That's right. I've been waiting for 5 days (and on the phone for most of them) to find out our fate. It seems that we're gonna have one more Warren-Schumacher in our household by the end of the week.
That's right. No one collected this precious little gal that took a shining to Silas and him to her. I've spent 15 years saying "one day I'll get a dog ... but only when the time is right."
I'm pretty much over saying "one day ..."
So, I bit the bullet. The timing was right, as she came into the shelter right before we came in.
As far as we can tell, she will be spayed (breaks my heart, though necessary) tomorrow. Then, she'll be ready to come home. Oh, holy Mother of Camille Claudel and Jesus. I'm just so thrilled to give her a loving home. May not be much, but she will be LOVED and not judged. There's a theory ...
xoxo
Anna

Lazy Sunday...

We're just chillin' at the Shout-macher household. As, we all tend to be so loud, that's our new nickname.
I'm nursing a bit of a cold or something, so I'm still in PJs and hanging out on the couch. All the boys are asleep.
We decided to go to the ASPCA yesterday to "peruse" the dogs. Life's to short to keep saying, "one day, we'll rescue a dog." So, we went. Of all the dogs there, the first one we saw was the one that Silas ran to. She is black, with dark brindle paws. Medium length hair and is described as an Australian Shepard mix. I'm not sure I go along with that, as she has the brindle. Seems like she has pit/boxer/mastiff or something that carries that trait too. She had just been picked up that day, so we couldn't let her play with Otis to see if they'd get along ... doesn't matter, he loves other dogs.
We have to wait until Wednesday to see her family finds her. I sure hope, if she has a family that's looking, that they find her. I hate to think how heart broken they are. If that's not the case, she will become ours, as we are first on the list. We'll see what happens.
Until then, we wait...
xoxo
Anna

Lastly...

The Shrink

"Do you smoke?"
"Just a little."
"Do you drink?"
"Quite a lot."
"Dirty jokes?"
"Oh, I piddle."
"And, you gamble."
"On the spot."
"Do you steal?"
"When I am cheated."
"Do you cheat?"
"When I am down."
"Do you deal?"
"If I"m defeated."
"of those that lie?"
"I wear the crown!"
"Well, that's all, then."
"Are you sure, sir?"
"Oh, I'm sure."
"No more to say?"
"You're a fool."
"Is that my worst sin?"
"My point precisely."
"For that, I pay?"

And another...

Shall we make her your tight lipped trollop,
Your faded wallflower, black and white?
Shall we veil her in a dizzying silence,
a cumbersome calm, a galloping peace?

And if she screams to be burned,
best to quench the fire with her wet-words...
with silken tip-toeing
and cotton-lipped hymns.

Shall we make her, drunken, climb Jack's bean stalk
and nimbly cut Rapunzel's hair?
Shall we crown her with a crown of barbs
and chill her red-hot blood?

And if she pleads for wings to fly,
Oh, let us not forget
to band her and brand her
And pray for her QUIET return.

Lost poems from years ago...

That's right ... just found my book of old poems that I wrote. I'm growing some balls and gonna post them for everyone to see even though I've not shared them in nearly 6 years. I'm so old. And I'm not a fan of sharing these, so much. But I've been told by several people that they'd like to see it. So, I'm gonna share with them and you:

Too Much

Too much
whining
dining
days in bed.
Hands
Tongues
You in my head.

Too much
reading
bleeding
This round's on me,
Cue ball, roll call
Let's wait and see

Too much
odds, our ins
our words, my life.
Folding
Scolding
Do hand me that knife.

Our new neighbors...

It's hard to tell from this pic, but we have a huge family of raccoons living in a huge evergreen in our backyard. We've known that they are there, as we have seen the "march of the raccoons" here and there. But, they were out last night in full force. This pic is grainy. But, that raccoon was only about 12 feet away from me at one point and the guy is like 2 or 3 times the size of Hank, my cat. If you know Hank, you know he's not a small creature ... that is, if you've been able to get a glimpse at my sweet, but feral boy.
In any case, I went back out tonight, and "Big Boi", as I'm calling him, was back out. He sat on a limb a few feet away from me while I chatted with him. I'm sure he's telling all the raccoon friends that they should be lucking that they aren't crazy like that bald-ish lady that talks to the trees.
xoxo
Anna

Inauguration Day!!!!

Well, the time has come ... FINALLY. Change is upon us and it seems, after seeing the nearly 2 million people at the inauguration, that this is long overdue. I've never seen a crowd that large. I've never seen a crowd of a hundred people be that still and present and quiet. It was amazing. Silas and I sidled up to the TV. I had a mimosa, he had a an OJ spritzer. Sandi, Jeff, and Rob dropped by for a while to celebrate. An amazing, amazing day.
I was not a fan of the poem read at the inauguration. I'm sure the poet is brilliant, but the poem didn't, to me, capture the magic of that moment. The benediction, however, was amazing. It was truly inspiring AND funny ... imagine that: a sense of humor in the midst of a political venture. Brilliant.
xoxo
Anna

Edna St. Vincent Millay...

KIN TO SORROW

II

Let the little birds sing;
Let the little lambs play;
Spring is here; and so 'tis spring;-
But not in the old way!

I recall a place
Where a plum-tree grew;
There you lifted up your face,
And blossoms covered you.

If the little birds sing,
And the little lamb play,
Spring is here; and so 'tis spring-
But not in the old way!

xoxo
Anna
p.s. Happy Birthday, my girl.

Do you believe in signs?

Well, I do.
The picture is of a necklace that I received for my birthday this year from one of the most amazing women I've ever known. It's simple and silver with 2 little birds. The back contains script and quotes about friendship. It's the only necklace that doesn't make my neck break out. So, I wear it around the clock. The 2 red birds are an ornament that I got today as a belated Christmas gift from my in-laws, as the weather (and our travels) have just now allowed us to catch up.
I'm finding it hard to believe in coincidences right now.
xoxo
Anna

Wow...

I've had a busy day of signing up for a damned gym membership and whatnot. It's been too many years. I proceeded to work out, while Silas was busy in Kid Land, or whatever it's called. And, of course, while attempting to look like I knew how to work these new treadmills, I hear my name being called over a loud-speaker at LA Fitness. "Anna, please come to Kid Land." Seriously. I knew that was coming. Apparently, he needed to go potty and needed help. I guess they don't "help" them potty. Poor gal, I'm sure she thought she was going to have to push his "birdie" down or something. In any case, I made it there and helped my Mosey do the deed. Then, I got back to exercising. Big mistake. I should have taken the cue from Silas and aborted mission. My ass is quaking as I type and I just know that I'm gonna be in major pain tomorrow whilst trying to make people pretty. Oh well. In a few weeks, I'll be able to serve drinks off my butt! If not, there are still the new foobs...
While trying to wind down for the evening, I put on one of my favorite Sigur Ros CDs. I haven't played music in the house in so long. Did it today for most of the afternoon. Silas and I danced and cleaned up to ACDC and Led Zeplin. I mean, WE CLEANED.
But, hearing this CD, as I type, gives me chills. I've not played it (I don't think) since chemo. It was the main CD I played when I was soaking in the bath at night during treatment. I would turn off the lights in the bathroom, light a candle, and meditate. I'd try to focus on the mastectomy site and pray that it was free of cancer forever. I remember Kevin, Silas, and my sister Allie being in the living room. I remember feeling so alone, even though they were a few feet away from me. Chemo plays crazy tricks on your mind. Puts your mind in a world all on its own, even though you are sitting there with other people. One particular song, I would play over and over. It's hauntingly beautiful. My meditation song. However, Sigur Ros is an Icelandic band. I've got absolutely NO clue what they keep repeating. But, it's always sounded like "You sigh alone." I know that's not it. But, every time I hear it, it fits EXACTLY what I'm going through in my life at that exact moment. As soon as this song came on tonight, it ALL rushed back. So bizarre. But, I cannot help but keep repeating the song, as it's so beautiful. And, I've missed it.
Music heals. It always will.
I sit here with Willie on my lap ... that's my cat, you perverts. I sit here and am so happy for what I have. But, am haunted by what all us cancer-club girls have gone through ... and what our families and friends have gone through with us. Haunted by our "new normal", for what we've lost, for WHO we've lost, and for what's to come.
However, I'm not "sighing alone," no matter what those damned Icelandic harpies might say. I have the greatest support in the WORLD. Don't challenge. You'll lose.
xoxo,
Anna
p.s. If you've not heard Sigur Ros, look them up on the interweb. They are beyond comparison.

Wonderful time back "home"

My camera could only hold so many pics. So, these were from the first two days back home. They are of Silas' plane trip and visits with Pop, Uncle Josh, Aunt Tracy, and Nonnie.
I cannot tell you how much that trip meant to us. We were able to spend time with one of the most amazing families that anyone will EVER meet. Those people rally like no other. My family has flown 3,000 miles ... regularly ... to help out with all of our "situations." We're blessed.
We spent our time at a Monster Truck Rally, a Bass Fishing Tournament (which Uncle Josh won ...HOLLER!), chatting with Aunt Tracy's Jr. High School class, riding 4-wheelers, drinking way too much beer, playing with Angi, Matthew and the kids, loving on Grammy and Pop, spending time with Nonnie and Wilson, running around and planning stuff with Aunt Allie, spending endless nights on Pappy and Grandmama's porch, and (again) knowing how much we are loved and how much we love.
It was an amazing visit. It was a perfect time for me to be there with family. I lost a dear girlfriend while I was there ... far away from Seattle. So, I had great support.
After getting back here, I got to spend a night (on Tuesday) with women that mean THE WORLD to me. I cannot imagine being anywhere else that night. The young survivors had group ... we reflected on the loss of an amazing woman ... and C (the leader of the group) lit a candle. Tears, words, and laughs made it perfect.
Miss you General.
xoxo
Anna

I know some dirty tramps ...

These are pics from New Years Eve last year. Man, a year seems so long, but so very short in the grand scheme of things.
I'm still wondering what the neighbors thought...
xoxo
Anna

And so it goes ...

Sonnet cxxvii:

Now that the west is washed of clouds and clear,
The sun gone under and his beams laid by,
You, that require a quarter of the sky
To shine alone in : prick the dusk, appear,
Beautiful Venus! The dense atmosphere
Cannot diffuse your rays, you blaze so high,
Lighting with loveliness a crisp and dry dry
Cold evening in the autumn of the year.
The pilot standing by his broken plane
In the unheard-of mountains, looks on you, .
And warms his heart a moment at your light ...
Benignant planet, sweet, familiar sight ...
Thinking he may be found, he may again
See home, breaks the stale buttered crust in two.

(Edna St. Vincent Millay)

Love you, my Dawg.
xoxo
Coochie

Happy Thursday ...

Well, we've been out of the loop, as we're down in the "Lowcountry." I cannot imagine a better place to be right now! Monster trucks, dirt-bikes, fishing, family, family, family ... it's been amazing.
My last post must have been confusing. It was meant as a tribute to all the amazing people that I have come into contact with in my life. It is a question for all of us. Got friends? I know we all do. But, there are times that we, actually, realize how much those people mean to us. Sometimes it happens daily, sometimes it happens in strange moments and takes us by surprise. But, how often to we stop to realize that.
In any case, the question, "got friends?" is meant to be rhetorical. I guess it was a reminder to myself how blessed I've always been.
Well, off to wash the worm-juice and fish slime off my hands.
xoxo
Anna

Rubber meets the road...

Got friends? REAL FRIENDS?
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????xoxo
Anna