Let's talk about sex...

It's, sort of, an elephant in the closet situation: Sex. Actually, it's that for young survivors that are menopausal. The changes that our bodies go through are astounding ... considering that most women experience this on some natural level. I can remember having the uncomfortable conversation with my oncologist as to why my "nether regions" burned when I was bathing. Soap, toilet paper ... dear GOD, even air hurt that little lady.
The amount of atrophy our bodies go through during a chemically induced menopause are not, simply, confined to our skin tone. Our bones, our eyes, our EVERYTHING atrophies. That includes our vaginas. Sorry to be blunt. But, I don't know many folks out there that are talking about it. AND IT IS AWEFUL. To be quite frank, many women, post chemo, would rather NOT have sex due to the pain that occurs during a process that should be really, really (REALLY) enjoyable. It's not that these women ... myself included ... don't WANT to have sex. However, the thought of the pain becomes a bit overwhelming and overshadows the idea of a good roll in the hay. Our libidos are not that of young women our own age. It's as if we've been tele-ported 30 years into our future.
It sucks.
New products are coming out that help with the pain and the lubrication issues. So, that is really promising for ALL women regardless of age.
Hester Hill Schnipper, an oncology social worker AND breast cancer survivor, has written:

MENOPAUSE AND SEXUAL CHANGES
Even women who had not planned to have more children find it distressing to have an acute menopause due to chemotherapy. Younger women feel suddenly older and saddened by one more way of feeling less womanly. The hot flashes, mood swings, and sexual changes can seem even more troublesome in the context of living with breast cancer. It is relieving to women to be reassured that the lowered (or vanished) libido and diminished responsiveness they feel are normal and likely to improve somewhat over time. In the early days of living with breast cancer, sexuality may seem less important to the woman, her partner, and certainly her doctors. It is ironic that the wish for intimacy and loving may increase during treatment while the desire for sex diminishes. However, as time passes, both sexuality and intimacy regain importance and it is unfortunate that few caregivers address sexuality with their breast cancer patients. There are strategies and products that can help and women should routinely be asked if they would like to speak further about these issues. If a physician does not feel comfortable discussing issues of sexuality, the patient could be referred to an oncology social worker or another therapist who is more at ease with this subject. By not dealing with sexuality, a physician may be unconsciously implying that the breast cancer survivor is less womanly and desirable than she was, or that these are not topics of importance. Both ideas are wrong.

Thanks Hester ... pass the Egyptian Magic!
xoxo
Anna

Gorgeous Regina Spektor...

"Lady"

Lady sing the blues so well
As if she mean it
As if it's hell down here
In the smoke-filled world
Where the jokes are cold
They don't laugh at jokes
They laugh at tragedies

Corner street societies
But they believe her
They never leave her
While she sings she make them feel things
She says, i can sing this song so blue
That you will cry in spite of you
Little wet tears on your baby's shoulder
Little wet tears on your baby's shoulder

And I have walked these streets so long
There ain't nothing right, there ain't nothing wrong
But the little wet tears on my baby's shoulder
The little wet tears on your baby's shoulder

Lady lights a cigarette, puffs away, no regret
Takes a look around, no regrets, no regrets
Stretches out like branches of a poplar tree
She says, i'm free
Sings so soft as if she'll break, says
I can sing this song so blue
That you will cry in spite of you
Little wet tears on your baby's shoulder
Little wet tears on your baby's shoulder

I have walked these streets so long
There ain't nothing right, nothing wrong
But the little wet tears on my baby's shoulder
The little wet tears on your baby's shoulder

But on this stage
I've learned to fly
Learned to sing
And learned to cry
Little wet tears on my baby's shoulder
Little wet tears on my baby's shoulder

But now it's time
To say goodbye
Some might laugh
But I will surely cry
Little wet tears on my baby's shoulder
Little wet tears on my baby's shoulder

Lady lights a cigarette
Puffs away, and winter comes
And she forgets

The link is the following: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80ZhVqFUwA0

Dreamy stuffs...
xoxo
Anna

Badass friends are BADASS!!!!

Guess who has the best girlfriends in the entire universe???? That would be me.
I was just "informed" yesterday, by my Hoodie Loves, that I am being sent to NYC to see the premiere of The New Normal. Not only that, but I will have one lovely lady as my travel companion: E-beth!!!!
That's right. Girlfriend has been trying to fill up the bucket of her proverbial "Bucket List." NYC is on the list.
So, NYC, here we come. You will never be the same ... sorry.
If ever a woman had phenomenal soul mates, I would be she.
If ever a woman had her "love cup" filled to the brim, I would be she.
Thank you, thank you girls. You continue to amaze me with your strength, love, and support.
You will never know how much you mean to me.
I love you, madly.
xoxo
Anna

Ladies and Gents, meet Nell Mooney ...

Today, Nell Mooney was cast to play "Anna" in Coyote Rep's new play The New Normal in NYC.
Dear Lord, she's ADORABLE. Thank you Donnetta for "trading UP" whilst casting me ...
I figured that I'd get one of the gals from the Glad Bag commercials. And, honestly, that would probably be more fitting, considering everything ... and my mindset, at this point.
I've tried to stay positive throughout the past year. I continue to put my head down and go, go, go. And, I am in NO way a perfect person. I screw things up left, right, and center....
However, amazingly, I've found that I tend to stay on course. I've found strength. I've found the truth. AND, I've found that the only reason that I've made it here is through amazing friends and family that have walked this same path with me for years. They aren't strangers to my life. They are comrades in EVERY step I take ... in every battle I face.
So, Miss Nell, I'd like to welcome you into the fold. Bless you.
And ... I'd, also, like to thank you.
xoxo
anna

"Flip" recording attempt worked ... I think...

Well...
"F", the sweet-as-pie producer at CBS, sent me a Flip "thingy" to record myself blogging for the piece that they are doing in NYC. Don is out of town, which means I don't have a cinematographer in the house.
So, Silas and I rigged the Flip on top of a dresser ... on top of some books ... with a stack of post-it notes (to keep it stable) ... and a damned banana in front of it to insure that it wouldn't topple over and break. Silas ate the banana once we were done recording. That's efficiency at its best, folks ...
We'll be sending her the "Flip" back tomorrow.
I'll keep everyone updated on the piece.
On a different note, Coyote Rep is receiving RAVE reviews about their latest piece Questions My Mother Can't Answer. It's a one-woman show staring and written by Andrea Caban. Sounds like this one has made a huge impact on audiences and critics. Check out one of the facebook links: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=145065655516765.
I'm so thrilled to be a part of this theatre company ... even if it is from afar.
xoxo
Anna

My new snack obsession ...

As has proven apparent in this blog, I have some redneck blood in me. So, it was no surprise to me (or anyone that knows me, frankly) when I stumbled upon my new favorite treat. It's disgusting, it's overly processed, and it might very well land me in the ER with a coronary. But, it's too fabulous not to share. This most brilliant concoction consists of only 2 ingredients that are available in any local grocery store in their "you're a damned moron for even being on this isle" isle.
Bugles and Easy Cheese. You may scoff. You may think that I'm crazy ... though, that's pretty apparent.
But, if you decide to imbibe, I guarantee you will NOT be forsaken. Just squirt that Easy Cheese inside the Bugle like it's a soft serve ice cream cone and enjoy.
If you have heart issues, I advise against this ...
xoxo
Anna

Andddd .... another by Garfunkel and Oates...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qspu1DxvHGU

Hysterical!

xoxo,
Anna

Pregnant Women are Smug ...

My new favorite duo: Garfunkle and Oats.
Two adorable and hilarious gals that play off of one another so well and find a way to make beautiful music in the process. Oh ... and, they basically rip the hell out of most all of us silly humans. So, that helps.
Check them out on "youtube." The following was my first foray into their music. But, there is much, much more of their stuffs to enjoy out there on the interweb.
Just thinking about their songs has me laughing in the car, or at work, or in the grocery store, or ....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJRzBpFjJS8&feature=player_embedded

xoxo
Anna

Life in a Northern Town...Dream Academy

Every once and while, as a kid, songs really affected me. This is one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXqqw=gWqzo&feature=search

Life in a Northern Town

A Salvation Army band played
And the children drank lemonade
And the morning lasted all day,
All day
And through an open window came
Like Sinatra in a younger day,
Pushing the town away
Ah -

(Chant)
Ah hey ma ma ma
Life in a northern town.

They sat on the stoney ground
And he took a cigarette out
And everyone else came down
To listen.
He said "In winter 1963
It felt like the world would freeze
With John F. Kennedy
And the Beatles."

(Chant)
Ah hey ma ma ma
Life in a northern town.
Ah hey ma ma ma
All the work shut down.

The evening had turned to rain
Watch the water roll down the drain,
As we followed him down
To the station
And though he never would wave goodbye,
You could see it written in his eyes
As the train rolled out of sight
Bye-bye.

(Chant)
Ah hey ma ma ma
Life in a northern town.
Ah hey ma ma ma
Life in a northern town.

xoxo,
Anna

Hot, hot heat ...

Man it's been hot as the dickens up here in Seattle. I guess, compared to the rest of the country, it's not THAT hot. But, it's quite relative when considering that barely anyone in the area has central AC. CUE MY DEAR FRIENDS COLIE AND CARL! Silas and I often house sit for them when they go out of town, as they have 2 of the most adorable dogs EVER. Carl happens to be one of those guys that can build/fix/create pretty much anything. Give the guy a rubber band and some pasties and he could probably build a computer out of the damned things.
Anywho, Mr. Carl got a wild hair up his ass this year and decided that Central AC was a must this year in their household. So, he just decided that he'd do it himself. Indeed ... genius ... especially considering the fact that he finished it the week before Silas and I made it here. So, we're so comfy and cool in this lovely, lovely home. Well, we're comfy and cool unless we're outside basking in the sun ... nekkid!
xoxo
Anna

Searching for my favorite constellation tonight...

Pleiades ...
Since 9th grade, after studying astronomy, I had chosen my favorite constellation. Actually, Pleiades, or "The Seven Sisters," is a "star cluster" found in the constellation of Taurus.
It's not the easiest to find, as they aren't as bright as Ursa Major, Minor, or Orion ... which seem to be the "work-horses" of star gazing. But, it's a pretty little jumble of sweet stars that chase the skies together. Look up at night ... when you find a tight cluster of pretty visible stars, count them ... I've never gotten the same number. The story is lovely, all the same. And, it is as follows:

"Orion, the great hunter, was the son of Poseidon, the god of the sea, and Euryale, one of the Gorgons. He fell in love with Metrope, daughter of King Oenopion. When King Oenopion refused to let him marry Metrope, Orion tried to take her by force, which naturally upset the king. Helped by Dionysus (as we all know the god of wine), King Oenopion put Orion into a deep sleep and blinded him.

Orion consulted an oracle, who told him his sight would come back if went to the east and let the rays of the rising sun fall into his eyes. once his sight was restored, he lived on Crete as the huntsmen of the goddess Artemis. The Pleiades , also known as the Seven Sisters, were Artemis´ attendants. Pursued by Orion, they were rescued by the gods and turned into stars.

Artemis eventually killed Orion, jealous of his attraction to Aurora, goddess of the dawn. After his death Artemis placed Orion in the heavens as a constellation, where we can still see him pursuing the Pleiades.

The Pleiades is an open star cluster which is visible to the naked eye in the constellation Taurus. The Ancient Greeks saw seven stars in the cluster, and named them after the Pleiades, the seven daughters of Atlas and Pleione. According to myth, the hunter Orion was in love with them and pursued them until the gods took them to safety, transforming them first into doves, and then into stars. Telescopes have shown that there are up to 500 stars in the cluster.

Pleiades (mythology), in Greek mythology, the seven daughters of Atlas and of Pleione, the daughter of Oceanus. Their names were Electra, Maia, Taygete, Alcyone, Celaeno, Sterope, and Merope. According to some versions of the myth, they committed suicide from grief at the fate of their father, Atlas, or at the death of their sisters, the Hyades. Other versions made them the attendants of Artemis, goddess of wildlife and of hunting, who were pursued by the giant hunter Orion, but were rescued by the gods and changed into doves. After their death, or metamorphosis, they were transformed into stars, but are still pursued across the sky by the constellation Orion.

Maia, in Greek mythology, the eldest of the seven Pleiades, the children of Atlas and Pleione. A lover of Zeus, the ruler of the Olympian gods, Maia gave birth to Hermes. In ancient Rome she was often confused with the obscure cult deity Maia, from whom the month named Maius (May) is derived."

Greek mythology was one of my passions in high school. So,I chose the Greek interpretation of Pleiades. However, MANY cultures have their own.
Look up at the night skies soon and see if you can hunt them down. Orion does it all night long....
xoxo
Anna

Lovely song from one of my favorite movies ...

Of all time ...
The Color purple is a favorite of mine. Has always been. I rent it every few months if I cannot find it on TV. Actually, a dear family friend of mine played the character of the mailman that continually passed poor Celie's house and dropped all those letters from her sister that she never received.
But, this song ... this song, is one of my favorite from any soundtrack of my life. It's so strong. So bold. And so, so loving.
Check the video out on youtube. It's fabulous. Following are the lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsvK8WCPj1Y



"Sister,
you've been on my mind
Sister, we're two of a kind
So sister,
I'm keepin' my eyes on you
I betcha think
I don't know nothin'
But singin' the blues
Oh sister, have I got news for you
I'm somethin'
I hope you think
that you're somethin' too

Oh, Scufflin',
I been up that lonesome road
And I seen a lot of suns goin' down
Oh, but trust me
No low life's gonna run me around

So let me tell you somethin' sister
Remember your name
No twister,
gonna steal your stuff away
My sister
Sho' ain't got a whole lot of time
So shake your shimmy,
Sister
'Cause honey this 'shug
is feelin' fine"

xoxo
Anna

"The New Normal" is on its way ...

Got a call yesterday from CBS in NYC to see if I would be able to do a satellite interview at their affiliate, KIRO, here in Seattle about the play that my sweet Donnetta has been working on. They are using the show as an expose about breast cancer around the same time that the New York Race for the Cure happens.
Dear Lord. I'm an actor. But, I'm NOT a "live" on-air talent. All went well. They were so fabulous and kind. But, I'm not the biggest fan of being live on-camera. As an actress, it's fine. As myself, not so much. Most of my actor pals are of the same opinion.
Fast forward to Donnetta's interview some hours after mine ... in NYC:
She had a great time. But, she and I chatted tonight and she felt the same way. What the HELL did we even say???? We don't quite remember. I, personally, remember quietly burping while waiting to go on air ... NOT remembering that while I was alone in a studio in Seattle, I had a damned mic attached to me linked LIVE to New York. Classy, Anna.
Donnetta was on-camera working with the actors on scenes while the crew was there and she was later interviewed. I think she felt a bit overwhelmed as well. Cue Emily: the nose powderer. You rocked her world Miss E! I bit of comic relief always helps.
It's not that we aren't very confident women and actors. But, we ARE ACTORS. That is the biggest difference between us and others that are on the TV daily. They are live on-camera ... as themselves. We, in turn, play characters.
I guess it's a facade that makes it much easier for us to "perform." I have huge respect for people that do this daily. I, simply, could not. I've been asked to before, and was quite fine bowing out. Not my vibe, honestly.
Anywho, the folks at CBS2 in NYC are such fabulous folks.
Thanks so, so much Marissa and Cindy. It was such a pleasure to meet you both and to chat with you both.
I'll be in touch soon with the other "stuffs" that we need to get together.
Thank you CBS for supporting this great show that my dear girl has taken on. Donnetta deserves any and all coverage she can get for simply being the most amazing friend and artist. This is what I've know of her for years. So, so pleased that she is still the same amazing woman.
It's an amazing thing to have dear friends, from years gone by, that still prove to hold such strength, loyalty, honesty, and love.
I'm a blessed lady.
xoxo
Anna

Damned Depocyte!!!!!!

Damned chemo. One never knows exactly what to expect when having chemo. You see the stats. You hope for the best, but, of course, prepare for the worst.
So, when E-Beth shared the stats regarding her new chemo, I was prematurely excited. 95% percent of folks that take Depocyte have little to no issue. The other 5% ... well, they get screwed.
Guess what our E-Beth has been doing for the passed 3 days: she's been getting SCREWED.
I'm pissed. I don't know why someone so loving and kind and amazing has been put through what she has. It reaches a point where (for that person you love) you want to punch something, shoot something, or scream like you've never done in your life. She has been bed ridden (again) since Thursday.
I was, finally, able to chat with her today. She sounds quite weak. However, she is finally able to keep her meds down. So, I am praying that that will lift her up in spirit and in strength.
She's still banking on the Ireland trip. They are scheduled to leave on Tuesday. Please, please, please keep her and the family in your thoughts and prayers.
This trip means the world to her.
Until then, Fuck you chemo ... AND A VERY MIGHTY FUCK YOU TO CANCER!
xoxo
Anna

Night of Some Johnny Cash Love ....

Hopefully, this link isn't bogus. But, he's been a huge influence in the house with Silas. We love, love, love us some Johnny Cash:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmVAWKfJ4Go&NR=1
xoxo
Anna

First "new" chemo for E-Beth...

E-Beth had her port placed in her skull on Tuesday. The surgery went just fine. She sounded absolutely fabulous when I spoke to her later that day. Didn't even imagine that I'd be able to chat with her. To say that she is rock star is, again, an understatement. The girl had A PORT PLACED INTO HER DAMNED HEAD. She just told me that she hadn't felt better in WEEKS.
Dear Lord, she is astounding.
Sooooo .... she started chemo today. Her new regiment consists of a chemo called "Depocyte" (I'm sure I'm spelling that wrong) and the usual steroids. Actually, she told the Docs that the Decadron was driving her nuts ... it does that to all of us. So, she asked for a change-up in the steroid treatment. Apparently, she tolerates Prednizone really well. So, that's what she is on right now. Unlike the Decadron, she is able to get a good night's sleep on the Prednizone. It's helping her side effects ... the dizziness and ear issues. And, she is able to relax and not feel like a basket case. Decadron is a beast. I"m the only person that I know of that had absolutely no side effects whilst in treatment and taking the med. It's probably because I'm a spazz. Those sort of meds, sort of, counteract themselves in my system. So, I didn't even know how bad it was until all my girlfriends were chatting about it.
In any case, Our E-Beth is doing great. Still watching the clock to make sure that she beats the timing on the adverse side effects.
But, I imagine that she will be just fine.
Actually, I KNOW she will be just fine.
xoxo,
Anna

"The New Normal"...

Whelp ...
The show that my pal Donnetta (to your left) has been working on for a year now is coming to fruition. The actors are lined up in NYC and they will begin rehearsals soon. I think it's best for me to get online and play poker or check out CNN or balance my check book, as opposed to having the obvious panic attack whilst observing ANYTHING theatre related in their area. The show will go up in October. It's pretty amazing that that will be the same week that the YSC SEATTLE will be hosting the Drink Beyond The Pink benefit. Not much surprises me these days ...
I got a call from CBS today ... the NYC affiliate. They wanted some pics and to know if I would be in NYC within the next few weeks for an "on-air" interview. I'm not gonna be in NYC. I let the kind woman know as much. So, Donnetta, you're gonna have to rally, sister.
I'm, also, not really good when I'm live and "on-air."
There's something about that. Many of my actor pals are the same way. I guess that's why we've chosen this path. We're much more comfortable playing a character into which we might dive. Gives us a sense of coverage. We can separate ourselves and such.
Anywhooo.....
I'll try to keep everyone posted on the show in NYC. Miss Donnetta has shared with me that she is sweating from various areas that she never even knew could sweat.
I've told her to let that nonsense go. I've not seen the latest version of her show ... I don't really care to. I trust her, infinitely.
All in all ... This lady took a chance, as an artist, to branch out and work her magic. Seems to me that her (not my) magic is magical!
I trust you, Magic Mama!
xoxo
Anna
p.s. And Thank you, honey ... for the years of friendship, love, and art!

This Woman's Work ...

This has, forever, been one of my favorite songs from the Eighties. It's from the Movie "She's Having a Baby." Total Mind Candy. The video is, obviously, dated.
But, every now and again, you find a soundtrack that has a beautiful song. Kate Bush has such an amazing voice. This song is gorgeous. The video ... well ... it's an older one. But, it DOES makes its point clear.
Thank God that some of the songs that came out of my childhood still inspire me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TupvVpxY_U&feature=channel

xoxo,
Anna

Lovely, mellow day ...

Silas and I had a wonderful day. Absolute calm. Absolutely mellow ... and on our own terms. Those days are precious ... especially when they are spent with beloved friends.
We headed over to E-beth's house, with recipe in hand (thank you Nacho), to work our magic in the Kitchen. And by "magic" I mean that I was attempting not to blow the damned house up. I'm fine cooking WITHOUT a recipe. Once I have a recipe in hand, I get all fidgety. Performance anxiety, I guess. And, actually, Silas was more into the Lincoln Logs and the Wee. That helped.
So, while I attempted to recreate this fabulous dish, E-beth and I had a lovely visit. She continues to astound me. She's done that since I've met her. Give it a rest, already, woman! You're making the rest of us look like asses!
Jokes aside: she seems stronger as the days go by.
Her Mama flew in last night. It was funny to see Silas introducing himself to her ... again. I don't think that he remembers the last time he saw her. It was at SCCA ... A few years ago, when E-beth was on chemo and he and I visited. Silas ate "Big Mare's" lunch. "Big Mare" is E-beth's Mama. She was so sweet to hand it over to him after he had already eaten lunch 30 minutes prior .
In any event, She looked great. She sounds even greater. Strong as an ox ... only, prettier.
The picture above is what I would like to imagine will be us in 40 years. Actually, I would like to imagine that this will be any member(s) of the Cancer Club in 40 years. Happy, healthy, thriving, and OLD AS DIRT.
xoxo
Anna