Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Day ... as a lesbian

Well, I mean I'm not.  But I was yesterday.  You see, I live in Seattle.  The cost of living here is off the charts.  So, one must do what it takes to survive.  Silas and I decided to go to the aquarium with my girlfriend Heather yesterday.  While waiting in line we were reading the "packages" that the aquarium offers.  Ends up, if you have 2 adults, and add 4 kids,  and 1 more "guest" adult, you can get a $90.00 package for the year.  Well, that's all I needed to see.  Heather and I decided that it would work out best if we were "Life Partners" as she and I were the only 2 adults there that day to sign up.  That left Kevin (my "brother" and our "Manny") as the "guest adult."  Silas and Marco (Heather's son) would be our sons.  That left 2 more children.  Well, hell's bells, all my other girlfriends have 2 kids.  So, for the package, we could bring a gaggle of people in ... the extra 2 ended up being my "step children" that I have partial custody of - from my first marriage.  Well, you cannot just go in there with all that drama without committing.  Heather and I, at that point, decided it was best to cover our asses.  Hand in loving hand we walked up to the desk.  As she was asking about the packages, I was the most tender and supportive partner you can imagine:  rubbing her back, holding her purse, reminding Silas to call her "Mommy" and me "Mama."   It was brilliant.  I swear the high school boy that registered us will have a story to tell for the rest of his life.    The look on his face, as I was describing the family dynamics, was priceless.   He looked at us like he was looking at a rabid lion only 3 feet away.  Part excitement, part confusion, part "oh my God!"  Needless to say, when Kevin takes the boys he's going to end up having to explain why the gay uncle keeps being called "Daddy" by Silas.  I'm sure he'll come up with something.  Hell, he pulled the wool over MY eyes!
If anyone would like to join us, I'd be glad to create a character for you.  If "Uncle Kevin" can't make it, and you're a woman, I'll be sure to add that Uncle Kevin simply decided to embrace his true identity:  Voila, you're a transexual!  How simple and painless was that?!!!!!  
  I certainly don't want to offend anyone that's gay or transexual.  I have many friends that happen to be both.  Having told this story to my co-worker and dear friend Travis, I think that I have steered clear of that.  After Travis laughed hysterically at my day, he asked if his partner Kevin and he could use Silas as a prop sometime.  Heck Yeah!!!!   FINALLY, MY SON IS GOING TO EARN HIS KEEP!!!

2 comments:

Kerry said...

I believe the actually start of you having so much fun doing this can be directly linked to sitting at the couches and trying to purposely scare off the tour groups. The best one you ever did was holding your hands over your ears and you kept repeating "Go to a safe place. Go to a safe place."

love, kerry

Dorcas Anna Warren said...

Kerry...

I have NOOOOO recollection of that. Seriously. The funny thing is, the older I get, the more I hear these stories and I DON'T even remember the things I did. I guess it's because I do that same stuff every day. Who knows. Glad to see this, though. I've been nostalgic, lately, in regards to the old CofC days! Thanks for reminding me that, at least, I'm still the same person!